Movies That Were Absolute Crap Compared To The Books

[GothPoet]

It's a granted that some changes are going to have to be made in transferring a book to movie format, it's the nature of the beast.

However, sometimes the film-makers stray so far away from the books, you get utter crap.

Here are some of my picks on the subject:

3) Silver Bullet - They cut so much of the story from the book in making the movie, the only relation it had left, imho was the title and the identity of the villain.

2) Damnation Alley - Just ugh

and worst of all 1) Every Not Quite Human movie made - First the main character was too old, but the most egregious was the Pinocchio-ification of the whole story. They took some good sci-fi novels and turned it into a modern retelling of Pinocchio.

"Am I a real boy now Dad?"

*GothPoet breaks out a LAW*

[Don Alexander]

Damnation Alley, was that the Roger Zelazny book about the guy driving through post-apocalyptic America?? I didn't really like the book anyway.

I could probably think of quite a few as well.

Weirdly enough, the first that comes to mind is The Golden Compass - weird because I have not read His Dark Materials yet. *waits for boos and hisses and exclamations of incredulity to die down* It's just that I really did not like the movie, and I've heard so many awesome things about the book.

[JVDifferent]

Actually, in my opinion the first His Dark Materials book isn't that great- except for right at the end when a character makes a TVtropes face heel turn and then shit starts to go down. It's like the mediocre lull necessary before the storm of awesome that the next two books are.

The problem with the first film is, aside from being ridiculously rushed in terms of editing and castrated in terms of content, is that this event right at the end does not happen. It does not have the same "Holy shit!" kind of impact, and doesn't carry even half of the message Pullman was intending in the series. You can tell it was changed purely to take the teeth out of the series' bite, and secure more asses on seats.

[Radbaron]

Starship Troopers, the movie who made the book backwards! I would rather see the Skinnies than the Bugs fighting the humans. The animated version of SST was much superior to the movies.

Jurassic Park , where Michael Crichton had it (mostly) right. Velociraptors are the size of turkeys or larger (sorry Mel) , the Compy was supposed to be the size between the movie V-Raps and a small T-Rex , the kid's roles were reversed, ad nauseum....

[JVDifferent]

I actually enjoyed the Jurassic Park movie, despite the discrepancies. Whenever they say "Raptor" I just clap my hands over my ears and pretend that they said "Deinonychus" or "Utahraptor" instead.

I was even okay with the artistic license they took with the Dilophosaurus, i.e the frills and the spittle, because it was kinda cool. But the T. Rex getting out of its enclosure by chewing on the electrical wires was just plain dumb. If I was a T. Rex, I probably would have just barged right through.

However, what really pissed me off was the Spinosaurus taking out the T. Rex in Jurassic Park III. Sure, Spinosaurus was bigger, but it was a fish-eater and totally not built for taking out larger animals like T. Rex was. T. Rex should have kicked its saily-ass- it's a bit like Legolas beating Gimli up in an axe fight.

Edit: Also, not to nitpick, but Compsognathus is generally about the size of a large angry chicken with a longer tail. They had that one down okay, last time I checked...

[Don Alexander]

I would hardly say Jurassic Park was "Absolute Crap" - I loved the first part, kinda grumbled at the second and really liked the third again. They are fun adventure/monster movies with (still) great SFX.

And Starship Troopers is actually one of my fave SF movies. I have read the book, and am aware that there are quite a few differences, but I don't really mind - because I did not think the book was that hot...

[MerchManDan]

I rather enjoy Starship Troopers myself; sure, the movie is different from the book - very, VERY different - but not necessarily "absolute crap." Also, there's the shower scene.

Anyhow. A movie I wish I had never watched because the books spoiled me, was The Hitchikers' Guide To The Galaxy. I don't care if Douglas Adams himself gave it his personal seal of approval; it was AWFUL, and here's why:
1) The Heard Of Gold wasn't shaped like a sneaker. This is literally the easiest thing to adapt from book to movie, but they didn't do it. From here, things went downhill FAST.
2) Marvin wasn't squarish & about to come apart at the seams.
3) Zaphod only had 2 arms, and his 2 heads weren't beside eachother.
4) The story completely goes off the rails into a bottomless ravine soon after Arthur & Ford are rescued from the Vogons.
5) The "point of view" gun? What the hell?
6) The heroes met Deep Thought, somehow.

...I could go on, but won't. The entire issue just gets under my skin.

[Dirty n Evil]

I fear once the John Carter of Mars movie gets released, I shall soon have to include its presence in this thread. How can you make a family movie out of a pulp adventure story in which everyone is mostly naked most of the time? *head desk*

And I won't include comic books in this list, or we'll be here all day.

[MrBishop]

I fear once the John Carter of Mars movie gets released, I shall soon have to include its presence in this thread. How can you make a family movie out of a pulp adventure story in which everyone is mostly naked most of the time? *head desk*

And I won't include comic books in this list, or we'll be here all day.

They're releasing a ERB book into a movie? One of the Mars books! Seriously? Woah.. how I missed that one is beyond me.

I'll put a vote in for Dune. The movie could've been much MUCH better.

[Dirty n Evil]

Yup, it's by Pixar... they're planning on making it a mixed CGI/Live action movie. From what I understand, it's going to be called John Carter of Mars but it's based on the first book, A Princess of Mars.

And since it's going to be by Pixar, no topless Dejah Thoris.

[Don Alexander]

Haha, I'll make myself unpopular by stating that I kind of liked the Hitchhiker movie.

In my defense, I'll say:

- It's been over a decade since I read the book.
- I'm not a die-hard fan and expert.
- Isn't it kind of a tradition actually to have differning stories in different mediums? IIRC it started off as a radio show, and that was quite different from the book...

Also, I thought Dune was kind of good too. It's actually very hard to turn that novel into a movie (the later books are evn worse in this sense)...

[thaldin]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie was not meant to be an actual literal interpretation of the book, but a tribute to Douglas Adams.

With that in mind, I loved the movie.

[GothPoet]

Damnation Alley, was that the Roger Zelazny book about the guy driving through post-apocalyptic America?? I didn't really like the book anyway.

That's cause you have no taste.

[Don Alexander]

*shakes fist at*

Hey, I've read most of Zelazny's books including the complete amber series. I confess... None of them really got to me. Though it was interesting to find the origin of Vader's "Creatures of Light and Darkness" lyrics.

Concerning absolute crap based-on-books movies, I'm actually not a good candidate... I tend to enjoy most movies, and very rarely watch any I consider "absolute crap".

While not really "based off a book", I considered Dungeons & Dragons to be very close to "absolute crap"...

[JVDifferent]

The first Dungeons & Dragons movie was a light hearted and amusing piece of fluff that had nothing to do with the roleplaying system. I swear.

The second one was absolutely abysmal on all accounts.