Something I have to share

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MuchachoNL
Menace to Society
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Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:17 pm
Location: The Netherlands

Something I have to share

Post by MuchachoNL » Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:00 pm

We've had several topics on us forumites sharing personal information and stuff.
I never found one that handled this.
So I thought I should post this.
This'll mostly explain who's the guy behind the nick "MuchachoNL".

enjoy.

Sometimes the strangest dreams can have the deepest meanings.

I think the answer to the following question will most likely be "No", but have you ever dreamed about Mr. Bean?
Didn't think so... neither did I, for that matter.
Until last night after reading a very well written piece from one of my closest friends about misunderstandings seen from the point of view of someone with ADD.... I dreamed about Mr. Bean.

Well, not really ABOUT Mr. Bean as in me being a third party.
No, I dreamed I was Mr. Bean myself.
Not Rowan Atkinson the actor... but the clumsy character he's playing... you know, the oddball and eternal loner.

I'll even set the scene for you.
I was Mr. Bean, at work, with all the colleagues I directly work with looking like they were stuck in the eighties, while the colleagues from sales were adapting rather well to the time.
I see them walking in sometimes with their iPads and flashy outfits, and every other bean-counter (including myself) are wearing dusty jackets with patchy elbows, the female beancounters wearing thick glasses and curtains for dresses.
But, anyhow... it was my birthday and I brought a big apple pie.
I asked a few guys from Sales to join in so I could finally have a chance to discuss my love for new technology with them and hopefully be a bit more accepted by them... of course I would've enjoyed the company of the very good looking female Sales-workers as well. ;)
But as I asked them - or tried to ask them: I could barely speak a word when I tried to ask a female Sales-worker - they all said "Sorry, can't."
As for the mumbling and stuttering with the girl... she was wearing a see-through negligee with only a small thong underneath.
She chuckled at me going all red, stuttering and mumbling and asked: "were you going to invite me for your Birthday party in the hallway?"
I violently nodded my head, not being able to resist the gravity that pulled my gaze towards her gorgeous breasts.
She walked up to me, almost touching me with those lovely gifts from God, and whispered in my ear:"Sorry, I can't... It's our annual 'come-to-work-in-your-sleeping-attire' party."
Damn, how I envied the sales blokes even more.
She walked off and as she was about to close the door I caught a glimpse of the Sales Office.... bare breasted girls were bouncing up and down and dancing with each other and their male colleagues...

I hated my birthday already.

I reluctantly went to the bean-counter office next door and as expected the only reaction I got was a silent stare when I entered the room and explained me being late: I had a pie to get for them.
As the silence grew uncomfortable I muttered: "For it's my birthday"
A soft monotonous "Congrats" left their mouths all at once and they started tapping away on their calculators and writing the numbers down at the same time.
It was as if I was looking at a Borg collective, or something... I chuckeled and said to myself in a Beany voice: "Resistance is futile!"
I sat down at my desk, but I couldn't get myself to work: that party next door was a real distraction for me.
Somehow I must've blanked out, because next thing I knew the bean-counter closest by tapped me on the shoulder and said: "Come, coffee-break".
I stood up and we went to the hallway for our coffee-break.
We sat across the Sales office and each of my colleagues were silently eating the apple pie.
"H-H-How's the pie?" I asked timidly, trying to get my mind off of those who were actually having fun.
Steven replied: "It's good".
-"How good?" Martha asked.
"Dunno, you can't really measure pie! Heh heh heh *snort* heh heh *cough* heh *snort* heh heh *snort*"
I smiled a bit.... took me about a month to figure out that that was his laugh... I always thought that it sounded like the bloke was having a seizure or something.

And another reason why I always feel left out came across: I never understood the humor of their Math jokes.
He even tried to explain it to me by saying Pi is an unmeasurable number and he was eating pie...
I waved it off... I understood it, it just wasn't that damn funny.
Martha sat down next to me and asked me what was on my mind.
I honestly replied I felt sad that Sales couldn't join in for the pie.
She laughed:"Let those filthy whores and criminals have their Sodom and Gomorrah party... here's where the real fun is. We, God-loving men and women will be by His side as those floozies and pimps are cast down to Hell."
She rambled on, but I stopped listening, As an atheist, that preach missed me by a mile because I've drifted off in my thoughts.

And again I felt I didn't belong.
Not here, not in the room next to ours.

I always had a thing for math, I always had a passion for IT... as a Systems Administrator you have to.
Even in school I was being taught to get results and keep your nose down in the books, because whenever you look up, you're behind on the rest.
But I also had a strong feeling for living the life I WANTED to live, not a life I SHOULD live.
But there I was... in a dusty old jacket with patchy elbows, because whenever I entered the room with a brightly colored shirt on the bean-counters put up their sunglasses.
As I was already being an outcast for the hip people, I decided to take my losses and tried to fit in somewhere... anywhere... as long as I fitted in.

I cursed myself for being so Neutral.
I wanted my life to combine both aspects... a little seriousness for work, but the good looks and good talk of a Salesman for leisure.
Both of the latter faded away with every month I spent with the bean-counters.
My desk is set up in their office because an office of my own would mean me being in the server-room all day, and I can tell you: The constant sound of 300 fans going "Whirrrr" will drive you insane.

Even in school I was neutral... or an 'in betweener'.
I excelled at both math/science and sports.
So I've always been torn between the Nerds and the Jocks.
I wasn't as shallow as a Jock, but wasn't as scrawny as a Nerd either.
I could understand the Nerd jokes, and also could talk shallow about the best looking girls at school together with the Jocks.
What was I? A good looking Nerd, a smart Jock?
Never knew, and I still don't.

I was startled out of my daydream (wow, dream inside a dream...) by Steven.
He sat down when Martha left, nagging about me not listening to her, or so he told me.
He put his hand on my shoulder and asked me: "Bean, what are you REALLY thinking about?"
I smirked and immediately replied: "How bad I want to be at that party but how awkward it would be for me since I sleep in the nude."
His hand withdrew from my shoulder with nearly the speed of light and his look of comfort turned into a look of disgust.
I knew I was gonna have to clean out my desk and set it up in the server room within the next few hours, so I added: "Probably for the best too, the blokes would get jealous of my equipment."
He almost fell off his chair when getting up and he left for the Manager's office... and I was all alone again.

Misunderstood by both sides, not fitting in anywhere.
Hundreds of people to talk to, none that will understand.
It's just me, Myself and I.

That's when I woke up...
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing, but mean your mother... err... another.
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yiraheerai
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Re: Something I have to share

Post by yiraheerai » Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:16 am

...It took me until you got to the "pi" part that I understood the pie joke. #-o

I can understand the feeling quite a bit, I think. Different reasons; different aspects but the feeling is the same. Most times, I don't fit with the hearing community, but at the same time I don't fit in with the Deaf community. I'm a little bit of both and not fully in either. It kind of feels like being the rope in a tug of war game.

I guess all I can do is :ymhug: Thank you for sharing.
A mask, any mask, whether horned like a beast or feathered like an angel is the face of immortality. Meet me in Cognito, baby. In Cognito, we'll have nothing to hide. - Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

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