Fluffy wrote:Then, by your definition, Jerzy and Dillon's relationship was doomed from the get go because Dillon had no trust in Jerzy's word that nothing was going on between him and Angel(despite Ange's constant flirting and Jerzy's repeated refusal of his/her advances).
Yes, by my definition, Jerzy and Dillon's relationship was doomed from the start because Dillon did not trust Jerzy's word, which was a good call because Jerzy blatantly lied in order to be able to spend time with the person who was obviously trying to steal him away and whom he'd ultimately wind up replacing Dillon with.
Seriously, would
you do this to someone you're in a relationship with? And actually feel
justified? Because if you did do it, I hope you realize at least on
some level that your partner would have every right to be furious and feel betrayed over your behavior.
Yes, Angel still wanted Jerzy - s/he made no secret about that; but Jerzy also made it no secret to her/him (and Dillon) that he only had eyes for Dillon.
Except for the part where that
obviously wasn't true, and
Dillon was completely right. Otherwise, Jerzy wouldn't have promptly wound up with Angel.
Common sense.
But, Dillon refused to believe in Jerzy's commitment to him
And he was right not to believe it ...
forcing Jerzy to visit his friend in secret.
I'm sure many an unfaithful person would like to pretend that their lying, deceitful ways were the "fault" of their partner. No one
forced Jerzy to do anything; he chose to be a creep all by himself.
Spidrift wrote:Jerzy had a jealous boyfriend and a pushy ex who wouldn't take no for an answer.
The thing is, it wasn't
strange or
excessive for Dillon to not want Jerzy spending time with his pushy ex who wouldn't take no for an answer.
I think if you polled 100 people with the question, "Would you be cool with your significant other spending time with his/her pushy ex who wants to get back together and won't take no for an answer? And while you aren't present, to boot?" you would probably find that the majority answer "no," with some responding "HELL NO" instead. And furthermore, if you polled 100
honest people who are
serious about their relationships with the question, "Would you want to hang out with your pushy ex who wants to get back together and won't take no for an answer?" you'd probably get the same general results.
Dillon has done a lot of extreme, inappropriate things. Objecting to Jerzy hanging around Angel was not one of them.
And the fact that Jerzy immediately wound up with Angel afterward makes it pretty clear he was halfway there already. He didn't try to win Dillon back, and he didn't ditch them both and look for new fish. No, he went straight to Angel. Read between the lines, folks: that isn't
coincidence. He had one foot in that pool already, and if he was being remotely honest with himself, he on some level knew it, too.
Dillon was completely right about the situation.
Here, let me try this another way, because I really want to try to make my point clear, not just argue for the sake of arguing.
Forget about Dillon, Jerzy and Angel. Instead, suppose you personally are in a romantic relationship with someone. Now suppose you want to go hang out with a friend or friends. Let's consider some scenarios:
Scenario 1: You say to your significant other, "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with some friends." This is
reasonable, and unless you have an unbelievably controlling SO, it shouldn't be an issue at all unless you're doing it so often that you're neglecting him/her.
Scenario 2: You say to your significant other, "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with that one friend you know I find attractive." (Okay, you don't actually say it like that, but you know what I mean.) This is ... somewhat less reasonable, but it might still be acceptable if you've built up enough trust together, and your SO is confident it's strictly platonic regardless of your attraction.
Scenario 3: You say to your significant other, "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with my ex who is just a friend now." We're getting into cray-cray territory here. A lot of people would draw the line at this point, and it isn't strange that they would. However, this still
might get a pass if your trust is just
that strong, especially if your SO has gotten to know and be comfortable with your ex, and even more especially if your ex is with someone else already. But still ... only maybe on this one. No promises.
Scenario 4: You say to your significant other, "Hey, I'm going to go hang out with my ex who is desperately trying to win me back and won't take no for an answer." We didn't just
cross the Rubicon, folks; we rocketed over it at supersonic speeds. Just
suggesting you want to do this is grounds for your SO to regard you with extreme suspicion! I mean, come on, seriously, think about it: if you're actually faithful to your SO, why would you even
want to hang out with your clingy, pushy ex who is spending every moment trying to win you back? How could that
possibly be fun? At what point would anyone
really say, "Gee, I'm having an awesome time having to fend off constant uncomfortable, inappropriate advances with this person who only wants to get into my pants, while I don't want anything of the sort"? Your SO is
right to be suspicious because there's nothing about this kind of experience that could
possibly be pleasant for you
unless you're entertaining actually giving in to those advances. To even
suggest doing this -- hanging out with your ex who's trying to win you back -- is so far beyond inappropriate, I can't believe I'm actually having to explain to anyone
why it is!
TRIPLE post merged. The DAMNed