24-04-15 This deserves another chance

[Spidrift]

ok first of all: No, you do not get to tell someone who they can be friends with just because you are in a relationship with them. that behavior is actually one of the clinically recognized warning signs of an abusive relationship.

The funny thing being, of course, that Angel does that even more explicitly than Dillon. Pushing Jerzy out of the room when Zii is present? Yeeuch. Totally creepy. Dillon initially merely displayed frankly understandable jealousy when a new boyfriend's "platonic" old flame started singing songs about wanting him back, from a stage, in public. Then Jerzy started telling transparent half-lies, and Dillon freaked out and went all Dillon about the situation.

if dillon was unable to deal with his jealousy like an adult, then it was his responsibility to make a clean break for both their benefit; not to try and force his boyfriend into a no-win choice between love and friendship.

Possibly. But Dillon made his feelings plain about Angel from the first, and Jerzy just treated them as cute. And, heck, Jerzy ultimately admitted that Dillon's sense of insecurity was entirely understandable. He just tried to ignore it for several days, first. The idiot.

[and to the overly literal-minded people in the crowd, i'm not saying dillon & jerzy's relationship was actually abusive, i'm saying it was unhealthy]

Oh, any relationship involving Dillon could probably end up heading towards the abusive sooner or later. (Matt arguably just had the instinctive good sense to jump before he was pushed.) However, Jerzy and Angel's relationship already seems to have got there. Jerzy may be a bunny-boiler magnet.

yeah, jerzy did a bad thing by not being up front with dillon. but between them dillon & angel had him in a no-win situation; trying to force him to choose between loyalty to his oldest friend & his new boyfriend. so he chose the third path and tried to get away with hurting neither of them.

You call it choosing a third path; I call it trying to have his cake and eat it. Potay-to, potah-to...

[cellabella]

I need more info on Dillon's past post his coming out. I don't think it's fair to imply that he's always been clingy. He's flighty, but he seems to crave the stability of relationships. There was never any hint that he was cheating on Matt, and I forget who he said it to, but his plaintive "Why do my boyfriends always cheat on me" suggests that he's been hurt before. That can take its toll on a person.

Dillon is not in way, shape, or form perfect. He has had sex with at least one married men and until recently, found nothing wrong with having sex with men who had girlfriends. So I'm fine with those who feel his karmic comeuppance has come due. Ok. But don't hold freaking Jerzy up as some gold standard. Also, Angel? I find it creepy that ze has absolved Jerzy of all blame for screwing around on her with Zii, and yet Zii, who genuinely had no idea that Jerzy and Angel were an item - and actually they weren't, by Jerzy's own words - bore the brunt of Angel's rage. I don't care how cute ze is, that is unhealthy as hell. Ze will let Jerzy walk all over zir, but give hell to the people that Jerzy also misleads. Not. Healthy.

[Gholateg]

ok first of all: No, you do not get to tell someone who they can be friends with just because you are in a relationship with them. that behavior is actually one of the clinically recognized warning signs of an abusive relationship. if dillon was unable to deal with his jealousy like an adult, then it was his responsibility to make a clean break for both their benefit; not to try and force his boyfriend into a no-win choice between love and friendship.

second of all: we're not talking about 'being concerned and checking up on things', we are talking about literally putting on a disguise so that dillon could stalk and spy on his boyfriend. (trying to constantly keep tabs on a partner is also a warning sign for abusive relationships, btw). and dillon doesn't get a pass on his unhealthy & controlling behavior, just because 'he's dillon & that's sort of his thing'.

[and to the overly literal-minded people in the crowd, i'm not saying dillon & jerzy's relationship was actually abusive, i'm saying it was unhealthy]

yeah, jerzy did a bad thing by not being up front with dillon. but between them dillon & angel had him in a no-win situation; trying to force him to choose between loyalty to his oldest friend & his new boyfriend. so he chose the third path and tried to get away with hurting neither of them. ironically, it was dillon's lack of trust that led to jerzy's violation that non-existent trust.

and ultimately, between the two of them pulling him in opposite directions, and the complete lack of trust on dillon's part, it was a doomed relationship from the start.

Oh it was unhealthy from day one, without a doubt. Jerzy has a clingy stalker and loves the attention, and Dillion was just getting over being cheated on by matt and had more-then-normal trust issues. It was doomed to Hindenburg.

My point is, when someone's friend is being toxic to the relationship, you don't have to just sit there and take that. You speak up.
Now, if Angel wasn't a clingy bloody stalker, and Dillon was saying "Hey, I don't like your friend, get rid of them" Then fine, abusive sign.
But when you're sitting there watching, said "friend" dry hump your SO's leg and hissing at you, then.. Fuck that noise.

No one deserves to be in that kind of relationship, and Dillon made it clear he wasn't going to be part of a relationship as toxic as jerzy/angel.

And it was pretty shitty of Jerzy to put both StalkerMcJemVillian and WhinyMcCrossdresser in the position he did.
He was fully aware of Angel, aware of what Angel does, and he STILL tries to get into relationships while not dealing with Angel's antics.
THAT'S A SHIT THING TO DO TO ANY POTENTIAL DATING PARTNER.

He's that asshole at the dog park with a terrier that keeps biting every dog in the park and refuses to keep it on it's leash or pick up it's crap, because " They have people for that" and "Oh it's harmless, he's just playing!"