Christmas Ebilness Contest 2009: Vote Now!

[Bear]

Entry period has now closed and voting has started! You get 2 votes each to choose your favourite(s) and the most ebil.

And now, bringing back everyones favourite seasonal excuse to be ebil to one another...

The Second Annual Christmas Ebilness Contest!


Thats right! Its that time of year again when we celebrate our ebil deeds throughout the year with our annual exploitative contest!

Just to remind everyone that Ebil is generally defined as :

1) Plesantly or cutely evil.
2) Slighly Evil, But without malicious intent.
3) A term to describe something naughty or kinky.

With that in mind, here is the contest. To enter, you have to write a letter to our seasonal deity Beary-Claws (or Frankie-Claus if you prefer )in the form of:

"Deary Beary / Frankie -Claws,

I've been very Ebil this year because...

.... Signed (Insert your name here)"

And then explain what you have done to warrent being Ebil in the form of said letter.

And now the obligatory rules!

1. This is an Ebilness Contest, not an Evilness contest. Anything along the lines of 'I beat up x person' or 'I stole x ammount of money' or anything deemed bad and jailable rather then ebil is not allowed and will be reported to the proper authorities.
2. Only 3 pictures maximum per entery, and these are to be behind links so people have to read the entery, rather then voting directly for a cute/ebil pic. Also, this is because Teen 16 rated nudity (nothing below the belt) will be allowed to demonstrate Ebilness. Please mark entery as Not Work Safe if you use this option!
3. In ammendmant to the above, please remember showing boobs or anything else for that matter doesn't signify ebilness, it's just shows a person is either open or a voyuer. True Ebilness stems from intent/actions.
4. Please describe real events only, rather then made up ones! Though exageration and embeleshing the facts are allowed, as that is deemed ebil to.

Normal Forum Guidelines apply.

The prize will be as always... A Shiney Ebilest Formite Title, chosen by you, and a nice spangley colour for your name, and much kudos for wining and being Ebil.

Entry period is from now until the 23rd of December, after which we'll have a 2 day voting period with the winner announced on Christmas Day.

[Fen]

Dear Bearie-Claws,
I've been an ebil, ebil, ebil girl this year. I wore handcuffs for a month, almost nonstop. It was my way of making sure that my bf(known for rather poor skills in saying no to ladies who are not his gf) would be a good boy. We'd even go to the bathroom together. In fact, we got kicked out of a few bathrooms because no one believed us when we said that we just liked doing everything together.
My bra has touched many a band-men. And thanks to me being convincing, so have a few other ladies' undergarments.
Once, my school's very conservative vice-principal dared insult me for having green hair and being an exhibitionist. For revenge, i befriended her loner, rather slow, son and introduced him to Rock.
My hands have touched many a boobies. And a few other things, but those are a bit...NSFW.
As a result of years and years of having teachers who could not understand me, I finally went to the school therapist. After 2 sessions I moved on to a proffesional and she was a bit scarred by my visits, to say the least. Scarred, i say, scarred.
I have made out with many a underaged girls this year, beary-claws, many a girls.
With other girls I've had conversations. They kept talking about sex and would never change the subject, and I'd wait in silence for the inevitable streak of "I haven't had sex in X months" only to intervene with "I haven't had sex since this morning". They never did know tha tit was because of my being in a long-term relationship. They just stared at the ugliest girls in the group being the least sexually frustrated.
While this may seem completely random, I am also responsible for the destruction of various objects, ranging from a door to a full house(yes, i call tents houses).
But this was all in highschool, beary-claws. Now, a new era has begun. College. I've only been in college for 3 months, but my classmates have given me beer, cigarettes, coffee and their notes in exchange for peace. i am slowly becoming their ruler. Oh yes, there will be candy. and booze. lots and lots of booze.

Signed,
Fen.

[Asaryu]

Dear Beary Claws,

This year I have been extremely ebil (in a mostly sexy way).

I deflowered a once-relatively-innocent young man and initiated him into the sins of the flesh, and I plan to do this some more pretty soon. I am even going to the lengths of taking him out of his native habitat and away from familiar surroundings so that I may even more deeply embed him into a lifestyle of debauchery.

I have been intensely studying the dark arts of sexual congress so that I may infect a stuffy academia with a passion and vigour that only comes from being tantalised by titillating tales of transient trysts. Throughout these studies I have convinced those with an otherwise vanilla palate that perhaps they should give neopolitan a little taste, and held the spoon to their lips as they swallowed. I have educated the ignorant in the applications of silicone, glass, metal and latex contraptions and I have toured the dens of iniquity in my home city and abroad to better understand these devices.

I have exposed my flesh and scandalised a pillow on camera for all the internet to see.

Please, Beary Claws, give me coal this Christmas. I'll make it worth your while. ;)

[Lilianna]

Dear Beary Claws,

I have been very ebil this year:
I taught my little niece and my honorary grandparent's niece how to fist bump.
I made fun of my band director's new baby for being ugly.
I punched a guard girl in the stomach because she thought she was pregnant.
I have learned the awesome power of torture.
I have gloated about my awesome, awesome test scores.
I have made fun of a football player for breaking a chair, a porch, and the ground. (Literally. He sank into the ground.) I like to think I made him cry.
I have rallied the troops (otherwise known as "the color guard") behind me against several loathed band kids.
I have cheered when one band kid I hate broke another band kid I hate's nose.
I learned that rated X fanfictions are oh so wrong yet oh so delicious.
I decided that cybering and sexting is fuuuuuuuun.
I teased many a guy at my school with my awesome cleavage, because I refuse to wear t-shirts!
I will continue this behavior next year, and intend fully to punch any male I desire in the face at FSU next year.

Love, Lily.

[midgetshrimp]

Dear Beary Claws,

I have two things going for me this year that make me ebil.

1. I hosted a beautiful woman and squeaked many a bed with her.

2. I am going to Australia for three months. And I am rubbing it in.

The bed will be less squeaky, but not for lack of trying. ;)


Your Exuberant High Captain Messiah,

Midgetshrimp

[MerchManDan]

Dear Bared Claws,
My name is MerchManDan, and I've been a rather ebil nerd-boy this year.
I stood by and watched as my gaming group indoctrinated & corrupted a young man. He went from innocent WoW nerd to perverted D&D nerd, within mere months.
On FaceBook, whenever a friend has a birthday, I ALWAYS post the same video on their wall: "Happy Birthday" by "Weird Al" Yankovic. I even post it on my own wall on my birthday.
I enjoy horrendous puns.
I...uh....I wait until the sink is nearly overflowing before washing the dishes.
And....well, that's about the extent of my ebilocity.

Hairy ChristMoose, Bared Claws!!

Signed,
MerchManDan

[CyanideAngel]

Dear Beary Claws.

I have been very Ebil this year because,
1 - i have got very drunk on numerous occasions and pulled pranks.
2 - i have given much kisses to many a girl and guy.
3- i have discussed sex in great detail with many a man and woman.
4 - i have discovered many a secret from friends like disappointment at bicurious moment not going futher and given cause for much more a fantasy.
5- i have had and plan to have much more 'interesting' sexy times this christmas.
Love. Cyanide

[JVDifferent]

Dear Beary-Claws,

I have been very ebil this year, and I make no apologies for it.

-I was bereft of all clothes aside from my underwear the very second this year began.
-Almost every week I congregate with deviants, and use this opportunity to offend every minority, nation, gender, celebrity, fictional character and species I possibly can. And I enjoy it thoroughly.
-I have consumed innumberable litres of alcohol. In fact I am consuming some right now.
-I have breathed life into creatures fit for the legions of Hell.
-I have beheld the splendour that is the genitalia of the other gender. And have the cheek to rhyme about it.
-The number of times I have touched myself certainly outnumbers the times I have touched the hearts of others.
-I have broken younger, more innocent minds than my own with my detailed knowledge of the intricacies of Japanese animated pornography.
-I have been motorboated by a luscious older woman, and then fiddled with by her younger brother.
-I have come full circle in turfing my prudish, submissive demeanour, by unleashing furious and righteous anger upon the mentor who originally broke me.
-I have introduced innocent minds to certain corners of the internet where they can purchase the genitalia of mythological creatures, for their gratituous pleasure.
-I won a political election through sheer mind-boggling fear. Fear of the velociraptor.
-And I still haven't cleaned my room.

Love,
JVDifferent, the Resplendent Queen of Darkness and Lizards.

Rowr.

[Otaku201]

Dear Beary Claws,

I have been ebil.

1. I rummaged through someones files. It was already open I swear, no breaking in involved. But I did find some rather interesting material that was probably never intended to see the light of day.
2. I mailed a gift to an underage girl which some have deemed innapropriate.
3. I abandoned my best friend on her birthday to go dancing with a much older woman.
4. I have returned to my old ways of flirting with every single woman I encounter.

[Don Alexander]

Dear Beary Claws,

I have been such a good boy this year!

- I fell in love with girl who never ever expected I would, giving her an enormous happy! We are still together today and I do soooo much to make her happy.
- Many a time, I dropped my work to talk with many a forumite, and be at their side in times of need, a listening ear and a helping voice.
- ....

Wait, wrong contest!

As holder of the title of last year, of course, this year I had to top myself!!!

Dear Beary Claws, I have been beary, beary ebil this year.

I have vilely mistreated and abused my poor innocent girlfriend!! Here are some examples:

[27.01.2009 10:49:37] Sawwah: My bus comes in 4 hours... so I should be up in 3.... I think I shall go to bed, just so I can has nap
[27.01.2009 10:50:41] The DA: Hm, I can sleep as long as I want
[27.01.2009 10:50:50] Sawwah: *shakes fist*
[27.01.2009 10:50:56] Sawwah: ttyl, meanie

(Sending pics to Sarah)
[02.03.2009 00:14:11] The DA: Therefore, I shall make you jealous
[02.03.2009 00:14:29] The DA: Dimmu Borgir live (chuckle)
[02.03.2009 00:15:39] The DA: Now she is not speaking with me any longer
[02.03.2009 00:15:42] Sawwah: Big meanie

[02.03.2009 02:30:39] The DA: Certain ladies are sending me inapproriate pics ;)
[02.03.2009 02:30:46] The DA: I shall
[02.03.2009 02:30:52] Sawwah:
[02.03.2009 02:31:03] The DA: *whistels*
[02.03.2009 02:31:06] Sawwah: You can't just mention something like that and then not say!
[02.03.2009 02:31:08] Sawwah: Big jerk
[02.03.2009 02:31:27] The DA: Meanie - check
[02.03.2009 02:31:30] The DA: Jerk - check
[02.03.2009 02:31:42] The DA: You are really not having an easy time with me today ;)

(ketchup-filled water balloon session in the Elder Cave)
[02.03.2009 02:36:03] Sawwah: I'm horrible *nods*
[02.03.2009 02:39:34] The DA: YOU ARE!!!
[02.03.2009 02:39:41] The DA: *iz full of ketchup now*
[02.03.2009 02:40:13] Sawwah:
[02.03.2009 02:40:51] The DA: Revenge has been posted
[02.03.2009 02:41:16] Sawwah: Big meanie-jerk-face!

[02.03.2009 06:13:53] The DA: Did I tell that story??
[02.03.2009 06:14:09] The DA: 1995 in Sweden, I actually did drink vodka made by a nazi skinhead...
[02.03.2009 06:14:17] The DA: And it was good!
[02.03.2009 06:14:43] Sawwah: I was just laughing due to the randomness of the statement
[02.03.2009 06:14:46] Sawwah: That is so weird!
[02.03.2009 06:15:56] The DA: It was a trip full of weirdness
[02.03.2009 06:16:09] The DA: I will not tell you about it
[02.03.2009 06:16:16] The DA: You would die of envy and sadness
[02.03.2009 06:19:35] Sawwah: Okay
[02.03.2009 06:19:46] The DA: Mayhaps one day...
[02.03.2009 06:19:57] The DA: We visited rock stars and drank their liquor!
[02.03.2009 06:20:25] Sawwah:
[02.03.2009 06:20:28] Sawwah: *IZ CURIOUS*
[02.03.2009 06:20:44] The DA: lollerskates
[02.03.2009 06:20:46] The DA:
[02.03.2009 06:21:18] Sawwah: Meanie

I could do a looooot more of these. and hey, these are from before we are even together! And all I did was search for "meanie."

But I have also been ebil to other forumites!!!

- Ever since Uruguay voted a former left-wing guerilla into the office of president, I have been goading her that she now lives in a banana republic, to be mentioned in one breath with Kuba and Venezuela.
- I keep sending LSD pics of myself, making her pantysplort, so her underwear bill is really high.
- I keep using the word "Brontosaurus" when talking to JVD.
- When pepperkitty finally contacted me again after five months, I welcomed her back with a lecture on not doing such things to friends!
- I have spent yet another year posting like mad and antagonizing the Beary One in his hibernation.
- I have made this entry post much longer than anyone else's forcing you to read my drivel.
-

And finally, my room is in even more of a mess than that of JVD!!!



Sithlord and First among all Doers of Ebilness,

Don Alexander

[LadySheDevil]

Dearest Beary-Claws,

I have been an especially ebil girl this year!

- I have blatantly told my boss off for all to see, providing a bad example for the easily corruptible young minds present, thus continuing the cycle of EBIL!
- I have continued my annual tradition of plastic-wrapping the toilets in the ladies' room at my place of employment. 'Nuff said.
- I still feed delectably fattening and drunkening goodies to the masses. Slowly, they will fall under my control! And there's nothing they can do about it!
- I entered the most unholy of unions this year (no matter what they try to tell you otherwise-) MATRIMONY! Our union is a powerful one, and together, we shall RULE THE WORLD!
- And I do this while still making panties and manties alike go asplodey.
- I bought sexy evening wear for my bestie, with the hopes of obtaining photographs in said clothing. Oh, there will be por- err, Photographs... Yes...
- And my most recent act of ebilness... I purchased a very questionable toy for myself off a website that specializes in dragon... Anatomy. And I can't wait to get that sucker in my anatomy! (And quite possibly my hubby's... Though he's not aware of my plotting yet...)
- And quite possibly my most heinous act of ebilness this year... Depriving the Ma3 forumites of my gloriously ebil presence!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!!!!!~*cough-hack!* Haaaaa...

There's more ebilness that can be fit into the remainder of the year, I just haven't thought of it yet... But I shall! Oh, I shall...

Ebilly yours,
LadySheDevil

[zgwortz]

My dear Mister Beary Claws, Frankie-Claws too,
I write you a letter of Ebilness true,
I sit and reflect as I look out at snow,
on the life of a Dirty Old Man that I know;

At first when you meet him, that old Zgwortz fellow,
he seems rather normal, a smile and a "Hello,
How are you?" seems nice at first glance, but in time,
his ebil will show as he changes this word here;

`Cause he knows that you'll fill in that rhyme on your own,
And the puns he inflicts often cause you to groan,
His scheming is endless; his plotting is ripe;
(Now if only he can just live up to the hype!)

But his Dirty Old Mind is the ebil most true,
A lecherous mind full of porno most blue,
For everything to him, when correctly viewed,
is utterly, thoroughly, quite clearly lewd;

He'll go to the park to admire the scenery,
(but that's not the fountains, nor is it the greenery),
Or go to the beach, wearing mirrored sunglasses,
to check out the ladies, their cleavage and back sides,

And if he's been feeling exceptionally mellow,
encourage some ladies to wrestle in Jello,
Or go skinny-dipping in the hot tub at night,
and he's sure to be watching them, filled with delight;

But when he's not watching, he's playing with kink,
With rope he's no novice, you might even think,
he is nearly an expert, he's known far and wide,
and the ladies around him are fit to be tied.

Quite early in fact, as the New Year rang in,
he was already tying, and since then he's been,
teaching others about all this ropey good stuff,
for of other rope addicts there's never enough.

Events he would go to all through the year round,
He'd always find women who'd wished to be bound,
With smiles he'd tell them, "I'll tie you, my pretties,
I'll tie up your hands, and I'll tie up your feet!"

"I'll tie you in ropes round your hips and your thighs,
With a hoist I will raise you up into the skies,
Suspended in midair, like swimming in space!"
And he'd smile at the smiles that lit up their face.

And sometimes when ladies were just so inclined,
he'd play with some toys of the sadistic kind,
Perverting some objects with ideas quite sick,
(Just see what he does with an old Water Pic!)

He plays with electrics, he's oft played with fire,
he tortures with clothespins, used just for attire,
he's paddled their bottoms, with bare hands he'd smack,
and yet somehow these women just keep coming back;

See, they know what others might only have guessed,
His torture is only Mid-ebil at best
For even in his most sadistical light,
He's really quite nice at the end of the night.

So here, Beary-claws, is that Dirty Old Man,
His ebilness shown forth as only he can,
A naughty old fellow, as shown by his worth,
The Ebilest Ebil in all of at least a hundred feet from where he lives.