The Christmas Ebilness Contest! : Entery Thread!

[cyanide_sweet]

Oh no no. I'm going for first. I want to be Piratess Queen. >:)

Ooh another pirate girl going for first! This is going to be a tough win Personally, I'm going for the title "Cap'n Sarah Morgan"

[Tenjen]

Dearest Beary Claus,

I have been a beary ebil girl this year. >:]

To start, I worked as Customer Service for AT&T's mobile phone company, and after many long days, the day before I quit I had two lovely answers for people. The first, a woman called who had dropped her cell into a puddle of water, she was a moron and I was tired of dealing with people, so when she asked if there was a way to dry out her phone, I told her to fill a bag with rice and salt and take her phone's back and battery off and drop all the pieces into the bag and shake it around and let it sit for a week or so. The latter call was from a belligerent man who kept yelling at me and asking me why his bill was showing calls to Jamaica when he had never called Jamaica and his wife was very adamant she hadn't either. I finally told him "Because your wife is a lying whore and is cheating on you, and unfortunately that's not something I can write off on your bill. Looks like you ought to look into counseling and quit calling me." Then I quit.

A friend and I also plotted and on ym sisters computer replaced all her desktop icons with system shutdown prompts. She thought her computer was broken. >:)

I am also beary ebil in that I am a thief and a tease! I tease boys in public and I stole a virginity. >:] I have given many pairs of blue balls.

I also ebil in my WoW playing. I spent my time as 70 before the new expansion ganking lowbies and ruining people's days, and since I run two accounts I play alliance and horde on a pvp server, so I divulge locations of players to my friends to murder those who irritate me. >:)

I am ebil in my jerk-ness. I am a sarcastic and cynical bitch often times, and arguing is my forte.

But my ultimate form of ebil...is my ability to still appear innocent through all of this! Buweeheehee. >:) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/ ... Dec1-6.jpg

I swear, Stephire would have loved you and all the people in this forum >:D, whether that would have been unfortunate or fortunate for all of you would depend on your perspective.

Awesome picture by the way >:D

[Phoenix]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/ ... Dec1-6.jpg

I know what I want for xmas!!

[Bear]

*Sneakily exchanges teddy bear for different bear* . I've got my christmas present.

[oni]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/ ... Dec1-6.jpg

I know what I want for xmas!!

second that...I...!... want a Teddy bear alsofor christmas; Damn how did she pull the truth outta me so easily?

[Don Alexander]

Aww. Everyone needs a teddy bear. That one sleeps with me every night. He's soft and cuddly.

How exquisitely ebil!

And I lurv your Avvy!!!

[Pneumonica]

Deary Beary-Claws,

I've been very Ebil this year for reasons herewith delineated under the following articles.

Article 1
I did, knowingly and with intent, convert a minister of the Second Baptist Church, who did previously pursue in full faith and diligence the proper manners of a reverend minister of that faith, from his faith into the licentious ecstatic faith of Gnosticism, and furthermore did cause him to deny altogether the existence of an almighty God, and he has forthwith joined in common with such ilk as the Reverend Forrest Church, a known heretic against the ways of the Lord in pursuing the faithless doctrine of a universe without Hell or punishment beyond the sufference of the temporal flesh. Finally, I did cause him to admit the potential of reincarnation in the Christian faith due to quotations gathered directly from the Bible.

Article 2
I did willingly pursue the filthy indulgence of smoking, and did forewith claim it to be pleasing not merely in some addictive quality but to have pleasing taste and scent, in defiance of statements to the contrary, and also showed careful tact in not smoking in private residence or designated nonsmoking areas. I did thence quit smoking without trial or tribulation, and henceforth have declared that this act was taken due to peer preassure. Regardless of the fact of that matter, I did do this in order to cause the nonsmoking advocates a moral delimma, for having declared that people begin smoking due to peer preassure and thereby acclaimed the evils of peer preassure, their own evil behavior had to then be admitted, or alternately that people smoke for reasons that are not evil and perhaps have little or nothing to do with addiction. In so doing, I caused no fewer than two people to stop acting against the practice of smoking.

Article 3
I did obtain, years ago and through no fault of my own, a telephone number that formerly had belonged to the East Wind Missionary Baptist Church in the area in which I live. Having received several telephone calls demanding that I was the East Wind Missionary Baptist Church, I did then cause the legions of the faithful to be put to task against the All Evil One by declaring on my telephone answering machine that the East Wind Missionary Church was no longer the East Wind Missionary Baptist Church but had, in fact, converted to Satanism. Within 24 hours of the date of said recording, over a dozen messages had been left on my answering machine decrying the decision of this parish to become the East Wind Missionary Satanist Church. Whole organizations were founded to mobilize against this nonexistent blemish upon the community, and several messages were left asking if I was "for real" and if so to contact the ladies (as they were all ladies with voices characterized as "sexy"), but only if I was "for real". I did ignore these messages, for I am ebil, not evil, but I did decry the parish of God as laughable by leaving a revised message calling them out as fools and declaring, to quote, "It's time to take a joke, people."

Article 4
I have in this year as in many years before brazenly declared my intent to go to law school, and have pursued this interest with the verve with which I am able. Alas, I have not had money to do such.

Article 5
I have on this year voted Libertarian more than I have voted any other, despite the craziness of many Libertarian candidates, especially in my state of residence, and have further declared that the craziness of the Libertarian candidates is exceeded by the craziness of the Republican and Democratic candidates they run against. I have thus caused many Republican and Democratic heads to publically and crassly detonate in a most unseemly fashion. I have not, however, voted for any Green Party candidate, as I am ebil, not evil.

Article 6
I have placed a signature on the bottom of the page so as to show up the majority of the other entries that lack the required signature as stipulated in the rules. I have brought my lawyering tendancies into this contest in so doing, and in the article format of this entry. However, being ebil, I have not used my actual name or even my username in the entry, and thus not succumbed to legal behavior.

Sumarily, for these reasons and for general behavior on this forum; for lusting after that after which I ought not to have lusted; for torturing my fiancee in ways that I ought not to have tortured her (despite her occasional protests to the contrary); for being deviant for no better reason than I don't know what normal is and, concurrently, for never desiring or attempting to learn; for enjoying media that others find unapproachable; for being unafraid to have nerves touched that others forget they even possess; and for sundry other items to insignificant to list even in brief: for these reasions do I believe I have met every necessary and sufficient condition for ultimate ebilness.

Signed,

The Designated Pervert

[Pneumonica]

Hooray!! Levels of Ebilness going up!

Pneu.

Thank you. I aim to please. Unless you're a fundamentalist. Of any faith - I just happen to live within spitting distance of ground zero of the Lakewood Church. I liked it better when it was the Summit, and the home stadium for the Rockets.

[Pneumonica]

Anyway, for entering.

IR hugged twice by teh HAWT! WHOOT!

[Dryope]

Libertarian...hey, you're the same party as my husband. In case I doubted your coolness. XD

[Pneumonica]

Libertarian...hey, you're the same party as my husband. In case I doubted your coolness. XD

I'm not so much Libertarian as I'm more Libertarian than anything else. But, frankly, cool husband. ;)

[Dryope]

Ah. Well, "More X than anything else" is how I choose my political affiliations and is pretty much how my husband would describe himself (although he did join them because it was free.) I thought that was normal. ^_^;

*realizes is off topic*

I like reading these entries, y'all are amusing.

...

I mean, y'all are here solely for my amusement, right?

Yep. More people should enter. =3

[Don Alexander]

Yep. More people should enter. =3

Well... Do so!

You can base it on the egomaniacal comment that you wrote there. ;)

[Bear]

Well you've only got until midnight tomorrow to enter before the voting starts everyone ;)

[Phoenix]

I know who I'm voting for!