Fantasy Forumiverse Election : Vote Now!

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What shall be your partly political party for the next year?

Poll ended at Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:20 pm

The (Inter)National Bull Mousse Party - DrunkenGator
3
27%
The Figurehead Party - MerchManDan
1
9%
Forumites United against Coldblooded Killers [F.U.C.K.] - JVDifferent
2
18%
The Anarchy Non-Party - Azrael
3
27%
The Galactic Empire - Don Alexander
2
18%
 
Total votes: 11

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Bear
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Fantasy Forumiverse Election : Vote Now!

Post by Bear »

Voting is now up! You only get to choose 1, and you have 2 days to decide!

Its that time of year again where the political part of the cave get their efforts together for...

The Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

As last year and simply put, come up with your party, what it stands for and what its against in its manifesto, who's the members of your party, and why should we vote for you to win the elections?

This is a creative writing and thinking contest to come up with the best election promises and speech for your fantasy party, and is of course, for fun!

Remember, this is a fantasy contest so let your imaginations run free! Are you campaining to win the governance of The Elder Cave, or maybe the EC forum chair, Or perhaps you want to represent the forumiverse as a whole? Its up to you who you are and what you represent, but remember, pledge anything within reason for your party and its veiws to get yourself voted in!

And now, as with every election... The Rules:

1. This is a FUN and FANTASY contest. No real world politics please. Parody of the forums politics is allowed.
2. Even though its fantasy, please no racist or extremist views, or others that may cause offense. This means no 'bashing' of any religions or sexual preferences etc.
3. Remember its for fun! We encourage people to make a serious attempt though!

The format for your entry:

Party Name: >> Insert Party Name here <<
Party Leader: >> Your name or Forumiverse Party Persona here <<

Manifesto Pledges: >> What your party is for <<
>>What your party is against<<

(Bullet points please, no more then 5 points for either to a maximum of 10 for and against points total)

What we are about: >> Brief description of what your party stands for and its beliefs <<

Speech: >> Make your speech here about why your party should be elected into power <<


Again, I'll remind everyone that this is for fun, so go wild if you want and pledge things like 'A Kodiak in every Cave"' if you want and its within your parties 'Theme' . Bribary is allowed just likea real election ;) . Will we be ruled over by F.U.C.K again and the raptors, or shall we get a new government?

Contest entry period is from now, until the 28th.

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DrunkenGator
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Re: Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

Post by DrunkenGator »

Party Name: The (Inter)National Bull Mousse Party (Operating in Québec and North Dakota as 'Pied de la Vache' due to local disputes)
Party Leader: DrunkenGator
Secretary/Treasurer/Enforcer: Edelbrock Sampson

The Bull Mousse party is founded on five simple principles.
  • Safeguarding the overall ability of the forumiverse to enjoy good, clean (and at times dirty :ymdevil: ) fun.
  • Increasing the budget for the Ministry of Silly Walks.
  • The right to bare arms, and conversely the right to arm Bear.
  • There is no fourth principle. It was eaten by a grue.
  • A chicken in every pot, and (if so desired) pot with every chicken .
Furthermore, the Bull Mousse party is steadfastly against these four things.
  • The taxation of bacon.
  • The unfair treatment of the nude in the chancellor's be-- we mean art.
  • Whatever wall we are leaning on.
  • The grue that ate the fourth principle.
What we are about: The Bull Mousse party is for the safe and healthy fun for all involved in the forumiverse. Our goal is to have the most fun possible whilst keeping the forum running smoothly.

We here at the Bull Mousse party believe that the current administration is doing a good job... on the droll, boring administrative part. Our platform is to improve the fun aspect of the forum. For example, the Ministry of Silly Walks is a pet project of ours, but hasn't gotten the support it needs. You see, there's Defense, Social Insecurity, Health, Housinge, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get close to the same. But last year, the Forum spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on gym uniforms for Charybdis Heights( =p~ ). Right now, there is a gentleman on the Kotaku boards who can bend his leg back over his head and back again with every single step. The best we currently have is Bear when he's blotto chasing after people trying to steal bacon. I say that we as a forum can do better than that. We at the Bull Mousse party wish to make this forum a fun and safe place to be. :-bd
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MerchManDan
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Re: Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

Post by MerchManDan »

Forumites, I present to you: The Figurehead Party.
Ostensibly led by: MerchManDan
Actually led by: [unknown]

TFP supports these basic principles:
1) Strong forum leadership, apparently by MerchManDan but truthfully by some shadowy force working behind the scenes.
2) Otherwise, having things operate pretty much the same way they do now.
2) Guaranteed privacy for all shadowy forces who want to remain anonymous.
3) Setting MerchManDan up as a patsy, just in case things don't work out & the forum rebels.

TFP is strongly against:
1) All and any inquiries as to the identity of the shadowy force who's really running the show.
2) All and any information as to the identity of the shadowy force being leaked to the forum.
3) The hurting of puppies.

TFP is all about one thing: Shadowy forces being in charge, while the forum & all forumites remain none the wiser.

The Figurehead Party thinks things around here are going pretty well already, with one major exception: A certain shadowy force isn't in charge. As shadowy forces go, this one very much wants to be in charge, but cannot run under such a thing as The Shadowy Force Party; after all, who would vote for a shadowy force? This is where MerchManDan comes in: MMD shall be the figurehead in The Figurehead Party. On paper (so to speak), he will be the forum's leader, when in fact all power will be in the hands (or some other grasping appendage, undetermined) of the shadowy force. This forum and all forumites will be at the mercy of the shadowy force, under its thumb (again, actual appendage undetermined) and working towards its ultimate goal. Which, of course, will not be revealed here. That would be just plain silly.
Also, we love puppies. PUPPIES!! :o3 So vote for MerchManDan of The Figurehead Party; he also loves puppies!

MMD says: If YOU can mark an X, you are MY kind of PEOPLE!! :D
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JVDifferent
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Re: Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

Post by JVDifferent »

Party Name: Forumites United against Coldblooded Killers [F.U.C.K.]
Party Leader: JVD, Queen of Lizards and Darkness.
Manifesto:

********START TRANSMISSION

Good evening, Forumiverse. This interruption in your regular posting has been brought to you by [F.U.C.K.], your current benevolent political party in power. It is election time, Forumites, and I felt it pertinent to lightly remind our beloved supporters just why they chose to support [F.U.C.K.] in the first place and where their precious vote has gone over the past year.

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The story of [F.U.C.K.] begins, as these stories often do, with a young up-and-coming lizard. Though a Queen amongst her kind she is without switchblade toeclaws, or the immunity to fear, and has no regard for the political process. But she saw the reality of the threat the velociraptor held to the Forumiverse nonetheless. Eventually, her pet political party rises to power, and launches a special project in the name of "national security". At first, it is believed to be a search for anti-maniraptoran weapons and it is pursued regardless of its cost. And Forumite houses were undeniably safer as a result.

However, admittedly, the true goal of the project has been power- complete and total hegemonic domination of the Forumiverse as a whole. Fear has indeed been the ultimate tool of this government, but the Lizard Queen and [F.U.C.K.] whole-heartedly believe that the fear of having one's face eaten by ruthless, scaly killing machines is a respectable one to submit one's freedoms to. For this achievement we thank you greatly, and hope to continue our admirable work in relieving you of these menacing beasts (and your basic rights as Forumites).

********END TRANSMISSION

Manifesto Pledges:
* The continuation of programmes [F.U.C.K.] previously put into place, including: The Shotgun Re-Population Programme, research into metal alloys suitable for deadlocks, steel doors, iron bars and chainsaws, and the Deinonychosauria and zombie extermination initiatives. The raptors may be diminished, thanks to our efforts and your diligent support, but we must not let success make us lazy.
* The continuation of the subtle, seemingly benign fear-inspired hegemonic order the Forumiverse has been experiencing. If it isn't broken, why try to fix it? As you let your guard down doing all this fixing business the velociraptors you missed may very well use this opportunity to strike from behind.
* Investigation into possible threats held by other members of Dinosauria. Sure, we are very well aware of the very tangible dangers of velociraptors, but how will our dwellings hold up against a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Or Spinosaurus even? Velociraptors can open doors, yet Tyrannosaurs are capable of chewing through electric fences, and Spinosaurs have been known to be able to manipulate Forumite technology.
* Research into possible dangers of this vampirism epidemic that has been sweeping the globe. No one wants to see sparkly, sparkly monsters.

Vote for [F.U.C.K.], because getting fucked by velociraptors is still severely unpleasant, and so is getting fucked by other things.
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Azrael
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Re: Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

Post by Azrael »

Again we March against the Freedom crushing Dictatorships your fascist conformism thrust upon Us. We are Chaos. The Minions of Anarchy and Purveyours of Entropy. Your governments are archaic, weak, and soft. The spread and pushing of your stiffling world-views will no longer be tolerated by the Liberty loving peoples of True Freedom. We are everywhere. We are everyone. We are the Fist of Disorder and we will set our booted foot upon the decadent and mealy-mouthed throats of those who think they can enforce rulership upon the masses. No longer will we stand idlely by and allow you to continually degrade and steal the freedoms we have worked and died for, a reckoning is coming. There will be blood. Abandon all hope ye who would stand against our Legions. Fear us, for we come and you will not stop our March. And even so, given a chance to strike a blow for Freedom last year, you instead chose the Noose of Opression. NOT THIS YEAR! Rise up and smite the enemy. Rise up and crush the Conspiracy. Rise up and take back that which is rightfully yours. Rise up and strike that blow for Freedom, that you might fuck rather than be F.U.C.K'd.


ANARCHY NOW!
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Don Alexander
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Re: Fantasy Forumiverse Election!

Post by Don Alexander »

Party Name: THE GALACTIC EMPIRE Nope, still no stupid acronyms

Party Leaders: The Ebil Sithlord Don Alexander

Manifesto:

Look back, citizens of the forumiverse. A year under F.U.C.K. has passed and what has it brought us? Nothing but the downfall of the forum. Memberships quotas are down, people disappear myseriously, and you do not even have us and our Secret Police to blame!! All you have gotten is a reign of second-rate terror. It is time for CHANGE!!! It is time for... tr00 ebil!! :ymsmug:

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Vote for ME!!! Why vote for the lesser Ebil??

I promise a return to prosperity, a nean banner glowing into every window, Cave Piggy races that actually happen, so that the masses are kept in the blissful torpor of consumption and the idolatry of worshipping state-made shallow heros.

Once again, the "competition" may count themselves lucky that I have some choice words for them::

The (Inter)National Bull Mousse Party: Your promises are not but shallow whistling lost in the storms of blast-evacuated battle cruisers... Also, Bear already has enough hammers. :P
The Figurehead Party: Seriously. You publically acknowledge to wish to create a puppet regime?? How laughable. When I rule, I will be the puppet master visible to all, and you shall be my puppets.
Forumites United against Coldblooded Killers [F.U.C.K.]: You have had your year now. Everyone sees what you, did not, and how you failed. Raptors. Pah. With a great conspiracy, you convinced of of the danger of these "cold-blooded killers" - yet we found out that Raptors are not much bigger than chickens! They even taste like chicken. So much for your Lizards of Mass Destruction.
ANARCHY NOW: Your feeble attempts at rebellion will be wiped out the moment we come to power. We have Thomas Müller manning the Death Star.

VOTE FOR THE DARK SIDE!!!
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