Fragile: Chapter 03

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SigunardEclipse
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by SigunardEclipse »

Hmm...I'm really, really confused by those last two panels. The 'art physics' in play here don't make any sense to me.

-She goes in for the hand grab, that much I can understand.

-She then somehow seems to muster enough strength to yank a guy easily several inches over her forward. That problem aside the perspective of the panel makes this...bizarre. His (from my point of view) left shoulder is further back than his right and the angle his right leg is at makes it look like he was stepping with that leg. So his foot flies upwards in a 'kick myself' way from being yanked on the side whose leg was currently supporting all of his weight?

Also there's the problem of distance. Their hands, despite the head height difference. Are fairly close together. In her zealousness Marian only seems to have yanked his hand towards the middle of her body and slightly forward. I'm married to someone with a greater tall/short height difference than these two and she's full on glomp-yanked my hand before. There is not enough force, even dead weighted, to perform this weird psuedo-judo move that Marian seems to be using to throw Julian off balance.

-Finally, in the last panel his reaction isn't in line with the last panel implies. If he was falling forward at that angle he would've crashed down on his left knee with the shin taking the secondary brunt of the blow. Basically a reverse of the up-leg, down-leg he's in down. Which would also make the source of pain be in the knee/shin; not the ankle. Unless Marian stepped on him pretty hard; which the last panel makes to be impossible.

Sorry to be so critical but...this scene's honestly a bit of a mess. ^^;

Edit: I've also noticed the speed lines in Panel 5 that also add to the confusion here. The implication seems to be that after grabbing his hand (which he had to reach back to do according to panel 3; stating she was in front of him slightly), she some how leapt up higher than his total height and from behind him. I buy the height thing but the front/behind positioning destroys the scene's credibility.

In it's current form she would've had to: Grabbed his hand, stopped so he could bypass, then have leapt forward.

Problem: Just the act of grabbing (or even brushing the hand; your senses are super alert in this kind of romantic scenario to even the slightest touch) his hand would've alerted Julian to her body's motion. So her stopped to get that rear distance would've been noticed, which in turn would cause Julian to stop since he would've felt her hand coming to a halt while holding his. Which further means he would've been even more braced in a standing position than he would've if caught off guard mid-step.

Again apologies if it seems like I'm being overly picky but the more I think about it the less sense it makes. ^^; So...um... :ymhug: At least?

_______________________________

Edit 2:

After all that I feel I should at least add in something a bit more constructive, a suggestion at least to help minimize changes (if any at all get made) to the scene. To be honest at first skim (until I noticed everything above) I had thought Marian stepped on Julian's foot after a small hop forward in victory of actually grabbing his hand. Since she's dressed like Stephanie (and attempting to dress to impress) I had assumed she was wearing heels. Which if you accidentally jumped onto someone's foot at the wrong angle would cause one hell of an injury to the top of the ankle of whoever you stepped on, almost regardless of the size/weight of the wearer. XD So a potential minimum change fix would be just to change Marian's leg angling, the speed line jump height, lower Julian's leg, and add proper sound effects in Panel 5 to imply the impact; then given Marian heels (or any shoe with an elevated platform section since the soles on those can do the same thing with enough force) in Panel 6.

Again; this isn't really so much of a 'Go do this' as I just don't want to critique a scene and leave you empty-handed in regards of potential approaches. ^^;

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pcj
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by pcj »

I was left wondering what happened at the bottom there, too. I had decided she must have stomped on his foot by the time I got around to coming in here and reading the forum.

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Chantelune
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Chantelune »

Somehow, I get the feeling Emilie will end up flat-faced doing too many facepalms. XD

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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Don Alexander »

@SigunardEclipse: Or, maybe, both are just horribly clumsy... :P
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Searcher »

Post link here


:ymdevil: hehehe evil :ymdevil:
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Kradeiz
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Kradeiz »

Sigh, so much for my small hope that Emily's advice was just misguided and not malevolent.
Good Lord. I'm shocked that all my years of shooting people in bunny outfits has in no way prepared me for this.
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noahkai
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by noahkai »

:-w

I really hope this comes back to bite her in the ass.

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mittfh
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by mittfh »

Given Marian's portraying her sister, if Julian responds "You", will she remember he's referencing Stephanie rather than herself? :)

There's plenty of potential for this to backfire - especially since Emily's previous attempt to antagonise Marian (her reaction [1.34] to the coffee shop incident [1.33] which her mum didn't believe [1.36] - the aftermath of which confirmed her interest in Julian [1.35] after both sisters had 'love at first sight' in [1.28]) had the exact opposite effect. Having said that, one twist I doubt will happen is for Julian to reply "Emily" (although someone falling in love with her despite her wild mood swings could be very interesting :D )

Whatever happens, the long-term consequences could be fun given that Marian and Julian both work at Freckled Cutie, while Marian and Emily are both on the school committee...

As for Emily's motivations, 3.4 and the flashback in 3.14 (ooh, Pi!) gives a big hint: she's miserable (probably due to the combination of whatever illness she has [1.15, 1.39, 2.27] and The Move [1.4, 1.13, 1.16, 2.3, 2.11, 2.14] - which she didn't enjoy one iota), is jealous of Marian and co being happy, and wants to inflict misery on others. Ironically, she doesn't want others to know as she thinks it'll make them treat her like glass and pity her [2.21, possibly based on 1.36], yet she was already being called out on her bad mood by one of her old friends [2.21] when she was bitching to her about Marian [2.20] - she even implied her pent-up anger at her condition was causing her to lash out at others [also mentioned in 1.39], but she's also pessimistic her condition can be cured.


(I wasn't intending to do so much cross-referencing - honest! - but flicking back to find the coffee shop incident, I saw so many other relevant strips I couldn't resist mentioning)

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Don Alexander
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Don Alexander »

Putting in actual links would have made it easier to follow. :P

Anyway: Told ya she was evil!! :)) :ymdevil:

And I very much like the idea of Julian saying "It's you!" and Marian totally doesn't register she "is Steph" and she explodes with happiness and her disguise fails and... TRAINWRECK!!! :ymdevil: :ymdevil: :ymdevil:
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pcj
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by pcj »

One other possibility nobody's mentioned yet would be for him to say "Marian" while she's pretending to be Stephanie. Which will make things really interesting if she decides not to drop the act and tries to cover up the glee. And could backfire if she (as Stephanie) convinces him he ought to like Stephanie instead, not realizing she's pretending to be Stephanie.

Or he could say "your sister" and she'll be left confused whether he saw through the disguise or if he's talking about her...

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TBeholder
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by TBeholder »

mittfh wrote:Given Marian's portraying her sister, if Julian responds "You", will she remember he's referencing Stephanie rather than herself? :)
Ah, but will he? Maybe he sees the difference? :)
Another option is if the moment this train starts to wreck, Mamo quietly walks in behind Emily and distracts everyone from awkwardness.
Mamo: Boo!
Emiliy: SHRIEK!
Marian & Julian: wha?..
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Kradeiz
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Kradeiz »

New update!

That sound we are about to hear is the shit hitting the fan.

Also, sharp woman, that Mamo.
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pcj
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by pcj »

Wow, so Marian manages to pull off the act long enough to run into Stephanie while they're out... this can only end badly.

Or maybe Emily will find it more entertaining to distract Stephanie and let Marian fail on her own?

Double post merged. The DAMNed

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mittfh
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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by mittfh »

Oh boy, just when we think we've got the route to which the train wreck will occur figured out, Shouri gives us another possibility... :D

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Re: Fragile: Chapter 03

Post by Don Alexander »

Haha, Mamo sure is sharper than Julian!! :))

This is starting to remind me of a certain Calvin & Hobbes joke where a farmer smells gas... :ymdevil:
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