Tell us about your life

[ExplodingJoe]

In light of Fen's post in Confessions. I wondered if anyone else wanted to open up. Might be a nice exercise to grow closer... if this post seems hokey or unwarranted, feel free to get rid of it.

I was born in Clearwater, Florida in the US. The first years of my life were spent in Barbados, a missing memory of paradise I wish I could have retained. My mother insisted we moved up to the north east US to be with her family, and by the time I was 7 my parents were split. The next 8 years of my life I raised myself. My mother worked two jobs, one as an LPN for a maximum security prison in Massachusetts and the other as an LPN for the local hospital. This left her no time for me, and I spent most of my time alone as a kid. As I got older, she'd come home with stories about what happens to inmates. Most of these stories where enough to scare me so straight I'd think twice before doing anything. Around the age of 10, my best friend's mother died of cancer. It was the last I'd see of him for 6 years. Since I had spent most of my time alone, he was the only one I had. I was always an outcast growing up. I didn't know how to socialize, I'd just head home and return to solitude. I learned how to take a punch pretty early because of that. Kids are cruel everywhere, though. By the time I got into being a teenager, I had a step-father. For anyone who's ever had a step-parent, they can relate to the initial stage where they are your enemy. However, he had more patients than I had anger, and, in retrospect, he gave me an appreciation for history and literature.

Around 16, I headed for highschool and met up with that friend I mentioned before. He made quick friends with a kid named Jason I considered my brother, and we became sort of a trio. I only mention this because only a few years after, Jason's mother would die of drug interaction, and my good friend's father would die in an office shooting down in Massachusetts. Since then I've had the overwhelming sense that nothing bad ever happens to me. No matter how bad things get, I never feel really depressed. I have a mother, my two best friends can't say that. Its become the defining part of my life. I still feel like an outcast, and I still spend most of my time alone. The internet has changed that in a way, but my years of growing up by myself have made solitude somewhat comforting to me.

So that's the basics of what got me here. Anyone want to go next? I'm sure some of you guys have interesting tales to tell, and it might make you feel better to get them off your chest.

[Don Alexander]

Wow-ouch!

I guess my only contribution to this thread is to say that I led a pretty sheltered life, it seems. No siblings, but I grew up in an intact family (not many relatives, though, as my Daddy's side was wiped out in WWII and my mom's side is in the US, I have not met them since 1993), we are not rich but have enough money (interestingly, pretty much all kids I knew better at school came from richer households), my best friend in the 5th grade is still my best friend today, and things like divorce or single-parent familes were unknown to me during my teen years. All my friends had lovely families as well.

Only in recent years, and especially since coming to this forum, have I heard many a tale of woe. I feel like an anomaly.

The only part of my life that seriously sucks is my love life. Sarah is my first ever girlfriend, and I'm still a virgin too...

Edit: I might add that in school, while I was not part of the "it crowd", I was not shunned either. Me and my best friend were like a married couple (I guess in this day and age we would be suspected to be gay...), and we existed at the periphery of the cool guys. With the exception of one idiot from a neighbouring school (and even this was only a few random incidents) I was never bullied, never got into a fight, actually never even witnessed a fight!! Gosh, we were such model kids, I feel... And starting in about 1993, girls actually started noting my existence.

[Siskiakirisis]

Well, why the hell not.

Born in 1989, in Queensland. Twin brother and a little sister. Childhood, took a lot of flak, such as being kicked from one end of the house to the other, having my face shoved in urine(not my own). And various punches and hits to the head courtesy of my father. My mother on the other hand was full of love and nickname's us as filthy little shits and affectionately new me as disgusting little fuck and a disgrace to the family.

Primary school, the bullying started early. Only social exclusion but by the end open taunting and group humiliation. I was almost a loner but me and my bro formed a group of "outcasts". Basically us 2, plus 1 other outcast, the new kid and the kid that kept kicking the ball over the school fence into the neighbours yard.

Then high school rocked around. The bullying started first day. Kicked and punched. Brother got a rock to the face in the first week. Got in a few fights. Few razor blade cuts from the kids at school. Tied to polls, kicked in the nuts, hair set on fire, cut with staples, scissors, metal rulers, kicked and bruised most days. Eventually got my release through work.

Started work at 15, started working 15-20 hours a week. By the time I graduated school in 2006, I was 17 and working 20hrs a week. Then went full time. Failed university twice. Now starting Tafe this year.

Struggled with weight and Anorexia for a few years in 2003-2007. Was 168cm (5'6") and 41kgs (I think that's about 94lbs). Still 5'6 now though but about 56kg (123lbs) so I'm happier with this.

As for relationships. Had an e-gf for a few months. Then decided it wasn't worth the bother. Then in 2006, got my first proper gf and kiss (16 yayayay). Then she left me for a dude, had another e-gf for about a year. Then had my first proper relationship. Started a few months after I turned 18 (in Sept of 2007), we were living together by October. Then we moved to Canberra at the beggining of 2009 so she could study, got engaged in July and in August she left me for another man.

Fell off the rails for a while with that. Being in a State with no friends and an ex who is being plowed the day after she leaves you caused me to drink more than I already do. (A not inconsiderable amount).

So this is me. A 20 year old diehard metalhead, who drinks too much and is a 2xuniversity dropout and a sucker for women who leave him for other men.

[Swayambhu]

Up until I made an account on the forum, I actually lived in a cave on the Moon, with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears, singing the Bumblebee Tuna song until my throat went raw and bloody with infuriating awesome.

[Don Alexander]

I knew it had to have been like that.

[Siskiakirisis]

Up until I made an account on the forum, I actually lived in a cave on the Moon, with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears, singing the Bumblebee Tuna song until my throat went raw and bloody with infuriating awesome.

[GermanMerc]

There was life befor this forum?

[Siskiakirisis]

No. However the forum makes us hallucinate and believe that something existed previously. This way we do not question how we came to be.

I'M ON TO YOU!

[Don Alexander]

Giz is the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

*sage noddle*

Ok, someone make a REAL post. I've done my duty, and so has Sisk.

[CyanideAngel]

Born in Hull,England. Where i currently still am.Lone child. mother was a single parent because my real father fucked off when i was little after cheating and scronging off my mother. my stepfather came into my life when i was five and has been in my life ever since.
Painfully shy and paranoid most of my life, my best friend ruined my life and i had..problems when i was younger.
Average student, Drifted through my school life, got bullied a hell of a lot and skipped school a lot in my last few years. left school with 2 pass GCSES - ICT and English.
met a 19 year old at 15 and we stayed together for 2 years. he was controlling and made sure i was very insecure.

currently here.


Real Post Ahoy

[Don Alexander]

*huggles the angel*

I think you have better things to tell too!

[Dirty n Evil]

I've never attempted this before... sometimes it's difficult for me to think of my life in a linear fashion. However, I'll give it a try.

I was born on October 20th, 1972 in the Delaware County Hospital in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. I was 1 year and 11 months younger than my older brother John Jr., and while 4 years later I had a younger brother it was the proximity to my older brother that caused me the greatest amount of difficulty in life. My brother John was the first born, my father's son (not only in name but in appearance an almost carbon copy) but who was a bit short for his age and who suffered enough from his learning problems that he was held back a year in kindergarten... so as a result, the two years' difference between us was treated more like one year, and as I grew up tall for my age we were more and more treated as the same age. Which meant that I was always expected to match goals set two years ahead of a normal child's pace, which placed a great amount of strain on me. As a result, I relied heavily on escapism through daydreaming, often brought to task as such with every teacher-parent conference.

Then, it felt almost as though I were causing myself greater hurdles in my life. I took an I.Q. test... and I'll just say the results were such that familial expectations skyrocketed. Then I had a year in which I earned straight "A's" at school. Although said playfully, one grandmother mentioned that if I didn't become a neurosurgeon or something similar, I was going to be disowned. When all I really wanted to do was just take it easy and enjoy life. I was awkward socially, and genuinely funny-looking. I had the largest ears of anybody in school, I was tall for my age and very skinny, plus my eyes were horrible so I ended up wearing glasses so thick that after a full day of wearing them the plastic pads resting on my nose literately cut the skin of my nose from the weight.

My father was a workaholic, my mother a stay at home mother who'd never held a permanent job. My father kept having difficulties with his health because of the cold weather, and his business was suffering because of criminal activities that burned down the grocery store he owned - twice. So despite my great reluctance to do so, at age 11 we moved to Florida where the warmer weather was supposed to be better for his health. Within six months of this move, my parents divorced. My mother had to find a job for the first time in her life, and we survived on hot dogs and left over Taco Bell food that other customers left behind. We moved back to Philadelphia, but my mother was so lonely she married a manic depressive former marine who was abusive and violent. So after only a year back in Philadelphia, me and my brothers moved back to Tampa, Florida to be raised by my father.

Every year from my 11th year until I was 15, I moved someplace different. Each year, a different school and scrambling to make a new circle of friends. I was still painfully awkward socially, but I found that through drama I could literately reinvent myself through the characters I was playing. I found good friends in my pals Paul and Jesus - who now I just called "Zeus". My father remarried to a drug addicted crazy person for a few years who kept us underfed and provided us only with the feeling of "at least our family isn't as bad as hers." She divorced my father shortly before I left high school.

I had plans to join the Navy immediately after graduation, plans to make it a career as I'd scored high enough on the entrance exam to be guided into the Nuclear Technician program. However, it seems that there were problems with me physically - specifically, my blood - of which I wasn't aware, and I was refused admission. My interest in actual school had waned at the time of my first move to Florida, so my grades in high school were far from complimentary. I aced every test, but so many teachers had put an emphasis on homework and assignments outside the class that I was purely disinterested in accomplishing so I barely passed at times. So, it was off to community college.

Only, my maternal grandmother had developed inoperable cancer of the tongue and mouth, and I chose to be with her until she passed so she wouldn't spend her days alone. My own father wasn't close to his mother, and while he was happy I accepted this arrangement he still charged me an excessive amount of rent in the trailer that he owned which housed my grandmother. I had to attempt to juggle working full time, going to school full time, and caring after my dying grandmother. My job consistently scheduled me on days that I had class scheduled, causing me to drop class after class. I might as well have been throwing money out of the window. When my grandmother died, it marked the beginning of a great rift between me and my father.

I soon moved in with my friend Paul in an apartment complex nearer to the center of Tampa, and we lived fairly well there for a while. I made friends with people at a goth / pagan coffee shop, but even with this rare social outlet I felt constantly unable to interest someone in me romantically. A few brief companions, but no one that made me happy. I'd actually been trying with great effort since my high school days, being the rare guy who'd decided that early on there were few things better than finding a nice girl and settling down to have a family. I just... couldn't find the girl. Then, the online world opened up for me... and I found a social outlet that suited me better. I was able to express the person that I was better without the social anxiety that had always tripped me up in earlier years.

Years passed, and it wasn't until a little while later that I saw the flaw in the online community method of finding a suitable romantic partner... that there were more people who were interested in the attention of a potential suitor, but when it came to taking "that next step", far more people who preferred the fantasy over taking a true risk. I hadn't ignored the real world, but it continued to provide me with no dating options, and so when greeted with personal interest online I didn't shy away. I shared many phone calls, flew to places I'd never been... but every meeting was a disappointment. I had relegated myself to being alone forever at age 27.

That same year, an online friend knew of someone that needed advice... and steered her my way because I was a good listener and someone who wasn't scared of telling something that was difficult to hear. This person who needed someone to talk to happened to live very near my old hometown of Philadelphia, and we quickly became friends. We talked online often, having many similar interests, and after a few months she confessed to having fallen for me. I was so empty inside, so lonely that I didn't discourage her interest. We met on a trip to visit my family, and soon became a couple. I told myself to take a risk, to do something bold, so I moved away from my friends and the life I'd known for over a decade to go back to Philadelphia.

Life was hard and I worked a great deal, but it was nice sharing a life with someone. Little things, like carrying the wash down to the laundromat and doing the crossword puzzled together... it made me smile. There were little struggles that I was most often the one who backed down, because I'd made such a great risk in life and I wanted to make things work. Her need to always be "the boss". Sudden, extreme life decisions that she would make that I had to be prepared to adapt to without any notice. But it felt good to not be alone for once in my life, so I stretched myself thinner and thinner. She graduated from film school cum laude, and then within weeks quit her job to "look for work full time". I supported us for nearly six months that way.

We had been planning on going to a Halloween party held by a co-worker with whom I was friendly. But the day of the party, she had severe cramps and bowed out. I asked her, several times, if I should stay and be with her to keep her comfort. She insisted that I go, nearly pushing me out the door. When I came home... it was as though a different person was waiting for me than I left. She was cold, refusing to respond to any affection but not willing to explain herself. This behavior continued in the morning, and there was never any explanation offered. When I returned home, I was offered this plain statement - "It's not working, I'm going to live with my mother."

I was devastated, to say the least. Five years of my life, wasted for no reason she was willing to provide. I called my friend Paul in Tampa, having visited every year (and Zeus having come up to Philadelphia to visit me) and asked if he wouldn't mind being my roomie again. He accepted, and I moved back.

The first year was a complete blur. I honestly can remember almost nothing, except this ache of betrayal and an effort to continue to be the playful brat that I'd been before. I managed to slowly pull my attention away from the pain and saw that I was zombie-ing through life. Ignoring everything, and just working from one day to the next. I found myself broke, older, and with fewer and fewer options in my life. But I knew who I was, and it was the one thing I would never let go of. This understanding of who I was as a person.

That's... pretty much where I am today. The last few years have known a few changes to minor details, but very little has happened in my life. The lives of people around me, yes, but not much in my own. And I'm still looking for that one romance that will last the rest of my life.

[Don Alexander]

ouches!

*manhuggle*

[Dirty n Evil]

Thanks, DA... but I don't think my life has been anywhere nearly as difficult as many others. If anything, I realize I had many advantages that so many other who've accomplished so much more than myself didn't have. If there was anything I take out of seeing my own story spread out like that, it's that I spent too much time seeking romance for as little return as I got. But really reviewing my life, I think perhaps it was ingrained in me at an early age to be a romantic at heart - so it's my own personal tragic flaw. *shrugs*