Pixie Trix Comix & Hiveworks Community

I know you people have some.
Hand 'em over.
But please, try to go light on the dead babies.

aishabe wrote:I know you people have some.
Hand 'em over.
But please, try to go light on the dead babies.

First answer!!!!

Bend over, fairy, wish is wish!!!!

No unclean, offensive, racist, or otherwise derogatory jokes that will upset or offend, or I WILL be banning people.

The fun has already gone out of this thread...

Because no one will know where the borders are, so they'll rather not post anything...

Okay, this one will probably not get me banned. ;)

Did you know that elephants are absolute experts at hiding in trees?? I mean, have you ever seen an elephant in a tree??

Hehe. Another tree joke:

What's green, fuzzy, and will kill you when it falls out of a tree?

A pool table.

Did you hear about the blond who shot an arrow into the air?

She missed.

Badum *highhat*

Just to be sure, I'll censor this one:

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b****** who want off, get the h*** off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b****** who are getting on, get your a** in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p***** off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b**** in the kitchen."

My favorite bad jokes?

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum-cha!

Two atoms are talking, and one of them is all worried. The first atom asks, "What's wrong?" The second atom responds, "I think I'm missing an electron." The first atom askes back, "Are you sure?" The second atom retorts, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Dirty n Evil wrote:My favorite bad jokes?

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum-cha!

Two atoms are talking, and one of them is all worried. The first atom asks, "What's wrong?" The second atom responds, "I think I'm missing an electron." The first atom askes back, "Are you sure?" The second atom retorts, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Hey, that's a variation on MY favorite joke, which certainly isn't bad.
Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. Atom number one says, "I think I lost an electron." Atom number two responds, "Are you sure?" Atom number one then said "Yes, I'm positive!"

midgetshrimp wrote:Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Boy, is it hot in here." The second muffin replies, "Ah! A talking muffin!"

That's terrible, but I love it!

What wobbles as it flies?
A jelly-copter

Two sheep are sitting in a basement, sawing gasoline.

Along comes a screwdriver. It walks up one wall, along the ceiling, down the other wall, and leaves through the opposite door.

One sheep looks over to the other one: "Did you just see that?"

The other sheep replies: "Yeah, that dude never says hi."

Don Alexander wrote:Two sheep are sitting in a basement, sawing gasoline.

Along comes a screwdriver. It walks up one wall, along the ceiling, down the other wall, and leaves through the opposite door.

One sheep looks over to the other one: "Did you just see that?"

The other sheep replies: "Yeah, that dude never says hi."

That is the best joke ever.

Longer joke.

Mike is a big guy, and he comes into the local bar he frequents but he's all busted up. The bartender looks up and sees the horrible shape he's in, and asks "Mike? What the hell happened to you?"

Mike responds, "I got into a scrape with Danny Schultz."

The bartender is confused by this. "Danny Schultz? He's a little guy, barely half your size. What did he have in hand?"

"Danny had a big old tire iron, and he used it plenty, let me tell you." Mike responds as he settles down for a drink.

"Well, didn't you have anything in hand?"

With a slow grin, Mike nods. "That I did - Danny's wife Brenda's left breast. And while a wonderful thing it is, it was completely useless in a fight."