Soooooooooooooooo.... A certain Australian lizard lady has been sitting on hot coals to read this, so I'd better write it out before I get killed.
I'm putting this in Anecdotes, because it transcends the mere day-to-day blather of HWYD, I feel.
The Awesome Asinine Adventures of Alex!!!!
On Tuesday afternoon, I got a mail from a friend in Jena, asking if I wanted to go to see Shutter Island. I told them I had actually been planning just that (and I admit I probably would have forgotten to tell them if I was going if they had not asked... Ahem...). They later called and asked if they should get tickets beforehand (another guy I vaguely know was joining, we would be the same "team" that went to see Gamer), and I was skeptical. It just might happen that I would run out of gas before getting to the cinema!! But they argued that it was cheap Tuesday, and a blockbuster in its first week. So I let myself be convinced.
I then finally finished up the theory chapter of my PhD thesis, and felt like I could go to the cinema without any guilty conscious.
I was in the middle of nowhere between two small villages, with 15 minutes to go before the movie started, when my car DID run out of gas.
.......................
There was a car right behind me, and in my panic, I could not even find the warning blinker... I just blinked to the right and pulled over as best as possible (luckily not too much, or I would have slid into a ditch...) Of course, my car had chosen a perfect place to die on me. Right after a curve, on the upslope of a hill. So cars in my lane would not see me until they zoomed around the curve, cars in the other lane would not see me until they came across the hill, where they just might slam into a car trying to pass my vehicle...
How I managed to run out of gas? Well, my gas gauge has been completely broken since the beginning of the year. back when it had still worked, I had gotten up to 950 km out of a full tank (with enough spare to get me to a filling station), but thanks to the cold winter, I only got to 890 km before even the fumes were consumed... Something I could not have predicted with enough security (of course, I would have gotten gas the next morning...).
So there I was. Right after I got out, a young guy in a little van coming from Jena stopped and asked if he could help. But he had neither a canister nor a rope to pull me... Maybe it would have been a good idea, since he was actually offering to help, to ask him to take me back to Jena to the next all-night filling station... But this was all so terribly embarrassing already, and I find it really hard to ask strangers for help.
So he left (he was blocking the road, and several cars were already coming from my direction), and everyone else just passed. I first was a good citizen and set up my warning triangle (oh, and I had finally found the button for the warning blinker). I then whipped out my mobile (every once in a while, it IS of use!) and first called my friend to tell them: "Guess what..." At this moment, the fact that I would not be able to see the movie with them and that I had just wasted money on a ticket (if only I had not let myself be convinced) aggravated me more than anything else!! They were optimistic I would still make it (huh?) but I asked them to try and give the ticket back. They thought that would not work, but said they'd try.
I then learned that I have no friends... Well, I have TWO here. One I had just called... Now I called the other one. But he moved some months back (up one flight of stairs...) and of course (stupid me) I only got his old roommate. Who was actually the guy I wanted to talk to anyway, as he is something of a car whiz. But he just told me: "I have no canister, I have no car, and I'm in bed already." He did not even know if my friend was home - I was sure I was, since he had declined to join us for the movies, stating he also wanted to be in bed at that time already... His former roommate also did not have the new number, but told me the cell phone should still work.
So I called that. Got an "occupied". Hm, so he must still be up... A minute later, it rang... and no one picked up. I let it ring a really long time. Hung up, tried another minute later. Same thing. So much for that.
I was alone in the dark, and cried for help, and lo... NO ONE ANSWERED.
(((
So I did what I had to do.
I walked to Jena to get gas.
After 30 minutes, I was in the next village, and saw the sky was overcast, and had what I considered a brilliant idea. The guy in my office had observation time, and if it clouded up, he'd be driving home... to Jena! So I called our office... No reply. I called our night assistant. No, the guy had left like... half an hour ago already?? Damnit!!! So much for my brilliant plan.
(The following day, I asked him. He told me he had actually not left work directly after leaving the telescope. And, yes, he clearly remembered passing a car with warning lights on... But he had not recognized it as mine! Furthermore, he must have passed me too (I had not looked at every passing car, I did that only after the phone call...) - and obviously did not see me either! Frustration pure!
I also got two messages (my cell phone, low on battery - of course - had been off in between). One was from my friend at the cinema - they had actually been able to give my ticket back!! YES!!! No money wasted. Also, I had gotten a call. I thought it was from my other friend (surmising he had maybe been in the shower when he had not answered the phone), but the following day, I also found out my cinema friend had tried to call me, too...
So onward I walked. When you have to walk it, you really learn to appreciate the distance. I later checked it, it was almost 5 km. I had just gotten into town when a police car out of town zoomed past me with flashing lights. Oh dear!! I immediately envisioned someone had rammed my car... Naaah. Probably not. And they would not drive out with flashers on for a stopped car on the side of the road, would they?
Shortly afterward, I got to the northernmost tram stop - and there was a tram waiting there! I asked the conductor when he would be leaving, and found out, just two minutes later! Woot!! I collapsed inside, after having walked an hour (I was glad I had had my leather coat with me), and the tram took me the last two km to the filling station. I had to guess which stop to get out, as it takes a parallel road to the one where the filling station is, but I guess right!! Woot again.
Got to the station, waited for a dude to get his coffee, and noticed a second police car there. The two police, a man and a woman, were inside (despite it being closed), having a coffee too. Guess that's the perks if you're the law. So I asked for a canister and some gas. The girl went to get them, mentioned this to the police, they talked inaudibly for a second, and then she asked me: "Are you the owner of the car parked out on the B88?" OH, SNAP! Yes, I admitted it, and the policewoman gave me a huge thumbs-up.
I had already been lucky to get the street car, and now my luck really did seem to turn for the better. The police offered to drive me back to my car!!!
Snazzy taxi service for free!!
So we went... and I found out, after asking, that the other police car with flashing lights HAD been due to me!
It seems someone had phoned in an empty vehicle, driver nowhere to be seen, and they had zoomed out as the "threat situation was unknown"... Argh. Since I had already been in town, I was deemed unremarkable, and by the time they came back, I must have been in the streetcar already. Nicely failed timing there.
At the car, I first managed to get gasoline all over my hands since the nozzle was not screwed on correctly... But then the tank drank it all up greedily. The motor started without problems. The policeman asked concerning the warning triangle, and even told me his colleagues had radioed in "Warning triangle is set up, everything is super-correct." *beams*
So I said goodbye, and he left, and I went to get it.
I was five meters away when my left foot slipped off the edge of the asphalt. My legs, already rubbery from the walk, failed to react, and I twisted my left ankle, crashed on to my right knee, then slammed on my right hand (better than facepalming the rod, though), my left, and then my right arm buckled, I crashed on to my elbow and rolled over, spread-eagled on the road...
And had three thoughts:
a) Thank you, universe. After my luck had really looked up in the end, you could not let me go without meting out some pain!
b) How ironic that the policeman just left. Good actually, as this was totally mortifying!! But if I had broken something...
c) Good no car came around the corner, or I would have been a dead man.
I slowly rolled over, totally winded, and dragged myself up like an old man - and got off the road just before that car did zoom around the corner...
Packed my warning triangle, and drove home. Man, was I glad it was over!!!
Except it was not.
The next morning, everything hurt, especially the ball of my right thumb which had taken the brunt of my collapse (my knee was skinned, but no blood). When I went to my car, I gazed incredulously... at the open gas tank lid!!! And... the screw-on cap was GONE!!!
Now, since the lid is locked when you lock the car, I had obviously been so braindead the night before that I had never closed it...
But was I really SO stupid that I had forgotten to screw on the cap, had just left it on the roof, where it had fallen off when I drove off??
Anyway, not trusting how much gas I had left, I opted to go to the next filling station on the way instead of to the cheap one in the north of town. I'd rather pay 1,40 Euros more all in all and feel safe that I would not gutter to a stop again in the middle of traffic... The positive effect?? I found this filling station sells Mountain Dew, even the cherry-flavored version Code Red!! So I filled 'er up, bought three bottles of delicious dew, and carefully drove through town, worried I'd go up in a fireball. Shortly before getting out of town, I suddenly realized I would be passing a VW dealership! I stopped and went in, asking if the had a gas tank cap for me. I hardly expected it, my car is 16 years old. BUT THEY HAD ONE!!!! Cost 23 Euros, but hell, that was one good investment!
Finally, I stopped where my car had come to a standstill, and looked for the other gas tank cap. I did not find anything. Which can mean two things. Either, it stayed in place for a while on the roof before falling off, and I really had been utterly stupid... Or I had been only half stupid, and someone had stolen it in the night.... I choose to believe the latter.
So, basically, that was my big adventure. At work, I got the info from my officemate, got a mail from my cinema friend and later a call from my other friend... He had not been in the shower. He had already been asleep and had not been woken up by his ringing mobile...
Anyway, except for spending about 30 Euros I had not planned on spending (but I DO have a gas canister now...), I came out of the whole thing well. I still ache a bit here and there, but my car is undamaged. I can still see Shutter Island next week. Alone, I guess...
Addenda:
a) I sure as hell hope I do not get a bill from the police!!!
b) I realized the following day that the two policepeople were
exacctly the same ones who had pulled me out and given me an alcohol test a few weeks ago after the cinema!!!!!
I probably now have a file in the police headquarters... "Has so far done nothing criminal, but seems to have perpetual bad luck" or something like that.