Daisuki's Stuff

Are you looking for tips on how to get started as a comic/manga artist? Maybe you're looking for feedback on works you've already created. Then this is the forum for you! (Note: Ported from Gomanga.com)

Moderator: Harukochan

Locked
User avatar
Dai
Posts: 119
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:29 pm

Daisuki's Stuff

Post by Dai » Tue May 17, 2011 5:00 am

I think it’s about time I shared some of the stuff I’ve been working on.

So I need some help on my story, guys. I've gotten most of the characters and settings for my story, but I don't have a plot.

Image

My story revolves around a young girl named Bea (pronounced BEY-AH). She’s definitely not the brightest girl you’ll ever meet; some may even say that she’s just acting dangerously stupid on purpose when she really isn’t. But she’s phenomenal with the one thing she enjoys doing the most: killing.

Bea has been trained all her life with nothing but killing by a secret organization of assassins who took her when she was still an infant. Instead of toughening her with hellish training, they decided to improperly educate her about killing instead to see how efficient their training methods will be. The end results were incredible. At the age of 12, Bea became the best killer in the organization, but her morality suffered greatly. She may be incapable of hate, but she believes that killing is a gesture of love and friendship.

One day, she snuck out from home to see the outside world for the first time, unsupervised. She ended up at Sheol City…


And that’s all I got. =/



I wanted to make an action-packed manga with some morbid humor thrown in, but all I could come up with are scenarios where Bea gets in trouble unintentionally, and some random encounters/showdowns with other killers from other organizations.

I recently made another character named Fool (well, he claims that that’s what everyone calls him anyway), but I’m not sure if I should add him in the story or not. He’s supposed to be the first boy Bea met who’s around the same age as hers. Fool quickly realizes how inexperienced Bea is with a lot of stuff so he decided to help her around the city for the time being. Bea decides to tag along and not to kill him for the mean time since he seems “pretty interesting.”

Image

I could have Fool try to educate Bea properly throughout the entire story, but I’m still missing a plot. Having them run away from pursuers just like Kenichi and Tima from Metropolis doesn’t seem to be exciting unless there’s a bigger subplot. And school life like Keiichi and Belldandy from Ah, My Goddess! or Suguru and Mahoro from Mahoromatic is WAY overused.

So, any suggestions? I really need some ideas here.

User avatar
shutupadrian
Posts: 87
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:54 am
Location: Alberta
Contact:

Re: Daisuki's Stuff

Post by shutupadrian » Tue May 17, 2011 5:26 am

First suggestion: Go see 'Hanna.'

Maybe Bea (pronounced BEEE-YYEEEEEAAAAAAH... ...sorry, couldn't resist) needs some greater reason to 'go out and see the world.' That type of motivation isn't too much of a cliché, but it's not terribly unique, either. If you could find the right motivation for her to get out into the world, that might help define where your story is headed.

Maybe... maybe because she "believes that killing is a gesture of love and friendship" what happened was that she wanted to express her love and loyalty to her assassin family, so she killed them all. That keeps her in character and that pushes her away from her everyday.

So where it goes from there... Maybe there's a power vacuum that is created from the elimination of her assassin group, and that sparks an underground war of some sort...?

Fool, I think you should keep him. Just a thought, but maybe he wants to kill himself but can't go through it so, after a chance encounter with Bea, decides to follow her around hoping she'd kill him. But because she doesn't love him, she wouldn't kill him. Of course, she'd need her own reason to keep him around given that scenario.

But your problem was overarching plot. Ah! Bea's looking for another family, but the only way she knows to express loyalty is by killing everyone, so every time she encounters another assassin family (who are all hunting her down, trying to recruit her or kill her) she ends up killing them all...

Well. Those are half-baked ideas, anyways. Hope it helps spark something for you.

By the way, I am absolutely loving Bea in that second pic you posted, in particular the running pose and that somewhat bewildered look on her.

User avatar
yesterdayshero
Posts: 315
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:26 pm
Location: Passed out on your roof...
Contact:

Re: Daisuki's Stuff

Post by yesterdayshero » Tue May 17, 2011 6:21 pm

Love the designs, they're simple but very cool, Be-yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh~ (sry about that) design freaks me out I love that~! Keep Fool he'll be the sorta balance between them, as for story or plot whatever, I'd use some type of slice-of-life story with Beya...

The organiztion she's working for collapses, or destroyed what have you, and she's suddenly free, capable of expressing love only in the way of murder. so she's taken in by local authorites sortly after the organization collapses, now in a juevinale mental intiution meets Fool, they befriend quickly, until she tries to kill him. He slowly helps her adapt to a regular life of not killing... until they're both released or something?? 0.o I can't think of proper ending at the moment...

Dunno lol I can't think of anything actiony so I just pulled that out of my ass...lol sorry if this doesn't help~
ImageImage

User avatar
StrateryB
Posts: 293
Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 9:13 pm
Location: Stealing someone's glasses
Contact:

Re: Daisuki's Stuff

Post by StrateryB » Tue May 17, 2011 8:24 pm

Firstly: Love Bea's design, simple but effective.

Secondly: Maybe you should work on the organization's background a bit? Fleshing it out might give you a better idea of what to do with Bea and how to give her something more to work with rather than just wanting to see the world.

Locked