[Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

[shutupadrian]

Page 3 - Panel 3: Male character's right shoulder (his right, our left) disproportionate to his opposite shoulder.
Page 4 - Panel 1: Shoulders look too wide.
Page 5 - Panel 4: I wouldn't crop off the top edge of this panel. As it is, the gutter becomes this weird dead space. Also, this page needs at least one panel with a drawn background, in my opinion. Then again, it depends on how good your tones are.

Now this might be opening an entire can of worms (that may be worthy of its own thread) but are you writing and publishing this in Japanese? If this is meant to be in English, it really should be left to right.

[redprincess]

Now this might be opening an entire can of worms (that may be worthy of its own thread) but are you writing and publishing this in Japanese? If this is meant to be in English, it really should be left to right.

I'm not writing or publishing in japanese, but when I first starting drawing comics I was doing it right to left, and that was about 10 years ago, I've tried doing it american style but I keep messing up and reverting back half way through, so I just draw it this way. It's not a big deal, I dont know why people care either way, they know how to read it both ways.

I think it's similar to people who say "why draw japanese comics (manga) when your american you should draw american comics" it's what got me into comics, it's what I read, it's what I do.

Thank you for the critique I'll look into fixing my mistakes. (Although page 5 is very wordy so I'm not sure I have room for backgrounds yet, I'm trying to work a bar in to panel 2)

[shutupadrian]

I think it's similar to people who say "why draw japanese comics (manga) when your american you should draw american comics" it's what got me into comics, it's what I read, it's what I do.

I think that point gets a bit muddled sometimes.

I would not take 'draw american comics' to mean 'draw superhero comics,' or even draw in the Marvel/DC style.

What I take it to mean, is that when an author writes, they write what they know best. So while a Japanese author might best represent their own personal experiences by writing about youth culture in Shibuya, an author from Texas might best represent their own personal experiences by writing a story around the SXSW festival.

Ultimately, it's about writing honest, poignant, and personal stories and the best way to do that is to draw from your own real life experiences.

And, just an additional point with regards to drawing style, draw in whichever style you're most passionate about, but remember that there are great comics from all over the world, not just from Asia or America. You'll reward yourself and your readers by letting some additional influences creep into your style.




EDIT: I wrote this not knowing anything about your own background. I was assuming you're from the english-speaking world and not actually from Japan. If I'm mistaken, I apologize.

EDIT2: It should be obvious, but that image is NOT mine. It's Moebius, aka Jean Giraud.

[yesterdayshero]

Not to mention Japanese artists inspired by European comics heres some of my favourite artist Suehiro Mauro ~_~

But in the end everyone draws how they want or how they feel most comfortable drawing, I used to draw right to left but I abandoned it, just like I abandoned the title "Manga-ka"

[shutupadrian]

just like I abandoned the title "Manga-ka"

Personally, I'm going for the title "Manga Kahn."

[yesterdayshero]

just like I abandoned the title "Manga-ka"

Personally, I'm going for the title "Manga Kahn."

ololololollololoolololo wut?

[redprincess]

Oh I totally understand about viewing comics from other places but I am not a big fan of american comics. I have read various, I do like american horror comics (30 days of night, JTHM) better than japanese horror, but besides that not a terribly big fan of american stuffs, and that includes alot of OEM, I think because the topics aren't of my interest. I have a friend that thinks I just dislike anything not japanese, which isn't true. I have certain tastes and it's easier to find what I like. I suppose the reason I liked Japanese comics is because there is such a range of types. I know finding comics from other countries is hard, manga is so popular it's easy to find online, not to mention all the companies dedicated to it.

Although, in the same respect, there are japanese artists that write stories that take place in american and they aren't from here/never been here. Some even draw it left to right (I've only ran across this once tho)

[blueyoshimenace]

I finally finished a commission for one of my friends, so now I can start on my convention prints
tell me what you think:

[yesterdayshero]

I don't see anything wrong with it, it's cute, the only think that bothers me is the electric posts(?) umm...the white things in the bg they look werid...I dunno what they're supposed to be...a fence?

[blueyoshimenace]

Yeah, they're electric posts

[yesterdayshero]

Maybe you should draw the old-skool cross electric post? dunno

[Lord Styphon]

"We can't stop here. This is fence-shaped transmission tower country."

[yesterdayshero]

Lolwut? XD

[JustSarah]

Well the topic creator said I could go ahead and show my stuff. Now I still need to do the basic, but this is the intro:

There is Deadlock, a mass sniper that murdered a family of three, and is the right hand man of Mitchell, a career thief that was caught stealing a pack of ramen noodles. Deadlock has a broad nose, long Deadlock hair bound into a ponytail. Deadlock enjoys picking prison fights that frequently land hims in solitary confinement.
Mitchell is a short blond man, who’s body is so thin, it looks like its about to snap. Mitchell, unlike Deadlock, has only had a history of minor crimes, such as hacking into cyber security systems, and car theft.
Across the hall, is a young man in a white prison jump suit, and black boots that go up to his knees. He has a history of coning old people out of their money, and then murdering them. Convicted of 3 murders, he is suspected of about 25 unsolved cases.

I'll continue it later. And if this isn't a good place to put it, I can move it.

[Lord Styphon]

Well the topic creator said I could go ahead and show my stuff. Now I still need to do the basic, but this is the intro:

There is Deadlock, a mass sniper that murdered a family of three, and is the right hand man of Mitchell, a career thief that was caught stealing a pack of ramen noodles. Deadlock has a broad nose, long Deadlock hair bound into a ponytail. Deadlock enjoys picking prison fights that frequently land hims in solitary confinement.
Mitchell is a short blond man, who’s body is so thin, it looks like its about to snap. Mitchell, unlike Deadlock, has only had a history of minor crimes, such as hacking into cyber security systems, and car theft.
Across the hall, is a young man in a white prison jump suit, and black boots that go up to his knees. He has a history of coning old people out of their money, and then murdering them. Convicted of 3 murders, he is suspected of about 25 unsolved cases.

I'll continue it later. And if this isn't a good place to put it, I can move it.

And?

If you're going to give us text to critique instead of artwork, you need to give us more than descriptions of three criminals. Like the idea of a story. You've given us no reason to care. At all.