[Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Are you looking for tips on how to get started as a comic/manga artist? Maybe you're looking for feedback on works you've already created. Then this is the forum for you! (Note: Ported from Gomanga.com)

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Scotty6000
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by Scotty6000 » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:07 pm

heres my entry XD
Its awful, rushed, and not very good. Enjoy lol >;3

http://redthorn.smackjeeves.com/

laurbits
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by laurbits » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:17 pm

Thank you much, redprincess and StrateryB. I really appreciate the thorough feedback!

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yesterdayshero
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by yesterdayshero » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:39 pm

Scotty6000 wrote:heres my entry XD
Its awful, rushed, and not very good. Enjoy lol >;3

http://redthorn.smackjeeves.com/
Good shading, anatomy problems here and there, on page 12 panel 3 I felt the screentone effect you did was not fit for the scene, also there aren't enough panels in the pages and you overtone. I love the monster she fights although it would be nice to have given him more features. nice tones on pg 27~

Story-wise, it's sorta vauge it really doesn't go anywhere (daydream-arguing-fighting-the end) I understand it's rushed but that's my opinion... kept working hard In love the way you did the main character's hair...
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s-morishita
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by s-morishita » Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:04 am

Hi you guys!
I have a comic that I am currently updating and I was planning on going back and redoing the first two chapters but I could really use some extra eyes to help me point out other mistakes that I skipped over. I already see a lot of mistakes so far but I would really appreciate the extra critique to help me be more detailed when I redraw the chapters....*I hope I'm making sense, I repeat myself a lot please forgive me O.O*
The first chapter was actually redone before but I'm still not happy with it after going back and looking over my past work but here is the first story before the revision:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/25367540

And here is the new revision of the first chapter:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/27551057

I kind of feel like I might be over flooding you all with links so for now I'll just have chapter one posted up then I can post up chapter two whenever you are ready to look over it. I really appreciate you all taking the time out to look over my work!!! Your views and opinions are very valuable and it really helps me to grow as a comic book artist! I really want to get better so I really can't thank you all enough in advance for taking your time out to look over this pathetic amateurs work! TT.TT THANK YOU!!!

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blueyoshimenace
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by blueyoshimenace » Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:15 am

Thanks for the comments. I'm pretty confident in my art style. That page 3 thing I noticed half way down the line and said "fuck it". The original ending was supposed to have Lily spare the knight, because the gear she reclaimed was a memory of her at her mother's funeral in our world and her father tells her to value all life. The knight begs for the final strike, so lily hits him with a bouque of flowers. He tells them about his fellow knights and how they were part of annexed country, and how he wanted to reclaim his land. blah blah blah she puts a flower on their graves. THE END

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yesterdayshero
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by yesterdayshero » Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:03 am

s-morishita wrote:Hi you guys!
I have a comic that I am currently updating and I was planning on going back and redoing the first two chapters but I could really use some extra eyes to help me point out other mistakes that I skipped over. I already see a lot of mistakes so far but I would really appreciate the extra critique to help me be more detailed when I redraw the chapters....*I hope I'm making sense, I repeat myself a lot please forgive me O.O*
The first chapter was actually redone before but I'm still not happy with it after going back and looking over my past work but here is the first story before the revision:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/25367540

And here is the new revision of the first chapter:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/27551057

I kind of feel like I might be over flooding you all with links so for now I'll just have chapter one posted up then I can post up chapter two whenever you are ready to look over it. I really appreciate you all taking the time out to look over my work!!! Your views and opinions are very valuable and it really helps me to grow as a comic book artist! I really want to get better so I really can't thank you all enough in advance for taking your time out to look over this pathetic amateurs work! TT.TT THANK YOU!!!

Uuuuu full color~ Love Chasity's design, so smexy, the quote bout the broken glass on page 10 is awesome, you need more difference in line weight, pg 12 is beautiful, love the way you drew the white haired guy, what's his name did I miss it somewhere?

Ok lol sorry about the above paragraph, just my random thoughts as I was reading it~
I like the humor at the beginning and the foreshadowing with the free turn cards hidden under the board. The transition from page 4-5 is a bit sudden, I like the way you dress your girls, the backgrounds and everything are pretty nice. Page 12 is where my attention was captured, her expression is nicely done, you need to work on anatomy and line-weight.

Story-wise, this is a prologue, but my attention really wasn't captured until around pg 10. I think it's important to try and establish what kind of story we're reading right off the bat. I thought this was going to be realistic a slice of life type story, but it seems like its going to be fantasy the way the prologue ended. Over all pretty tight, full color is a pain the ass to do, so I tip my hat to you~!! :luv:

TTATT;; Hope this helps somehow...
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s-morishita
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by s-morishita » Thu Apr 14, 2011 5:44 am

This helps me a LOT! Thank you sooooo much! His name hasn't been revealed yet so don't worry you haven't missed it.
You said something that really stuck out to me. I'll make sure to make it more clear when the story starts out that it is going to be semi-fantasy. I have some ideas running into my head after reading what you said and I'm very excited to go back and do some more brainstorming! Thank you again Bucca!! :3

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blueyoshimenace
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by blueyoshimenace » Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:05 am

s-morishita wrote:Hi you guys!
I have a comic that I am currently updating and I was planning on going back and redoing the first two chapters but I could really use some extra eyes to help me point out other mistakes that I skipped over. I already see a lot of mistakes so far but I would really appreciate the extra critique to help me be more detailed when I redraw the chapters....*I hope I'm making sense, I repeat myself a lot please forgive me O.O*
The first chapter was actually redone before but I'm still not happy with it after going back and looking over my past work but here is the first story before the revision:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/25367540

And here is the new revision of the first chapter:
http://s-morishita.deviantart.com/gallery/27551057

I kind of feel like I might be over flooding you all with links so for now I'll just have chapter one posted up then I can post up chapter two whenever you are ready to look over it. I really appreciate you all taking the time out to look over my work!!! Your views and opinions are very valuable and it really helps me to grow as a comic book artist! I really want to get better so I really can't thank you all enough in advance for taking your time out to look over this pathetic amateurs work! TT.TT THANK YOU!!!
I actually think that your pacing is good! you just have to make sure that you remember that most first chapters are about 56 pages long. You're doing a good job establishing the main character, where as we see what kind of a person she is. The only reason that the fantasy seems tacked on at the end is because you haven't done anything with it yet. You can't just add a to be continued after page 22, there needs to be a mini plot that shows the audience:
1. your character's true nature or sense of morality
2. we need to see how these two characters will interact later by using the mini plot
3. what the main plot will be
You're doing good, you just need to do that extra step.
Not letting the audience know that it's a fantasy right away is a good idea, because we experience the plot as the main character does. Meaning that when her reality is pierced by fantasy, so is ours.

s-morishita
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by s-morishita » Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:17 am

Thank you Blue! I never even thought about having a mini plot to help bring out the characters personality. I'll have to put that one down as another brainstorm to have for the revised chapter. Thank you for letting me know your thoughts on the story pacing. I was actually thinking about doing a little foreshadowing in the beginning of the story to help allude to it having some fantasy in it. Thank you very much! This is really helping me get those brain cells moving!

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yesterdayshero
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by yesterdayshero » Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:44 pm

s-morishita wrote:This helps me a LOT! Thank you sooooo much! His name hasn't been revealed yet so don't worry you haven't missed it.
You said something that really stuck out to me. I'll make sure to make it more clear when the story starts out that it is going to be semi-fantasy. I have some ideas running into my head after reading what you said and I'm very excited to go back and do some more brainstorming! Thank you again Bucca!! :3
Awesome love to hear this, get at it and leave us breathless next tyme, you understand??!!

> 3

P.s
The foutain scene for some reason reminded me of "Reel around the foutain" by The Smiths
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Scotty6000
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by Scotty6000 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:15 pm

@yesterdayshero: Thanks for your input :3 Sorry for the late reply tho! XD
I actually didnt notice certain problems I had untill you pin-pointed them! Thank you! ^^
I'll do my best to find a better balance for toning, and just get better at storytelling lol. Rushed or not, it shouldnt be an excuse. So ill make sure to work on that >:3

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yesterdayshero
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by yesterdayshero » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:50 pm

Scotty6000 wrote:@yesterdayshero: Thanks for your input :3 Sorry for the late reply tho! XD
I actually didnt notice certain problems I had untill you pin-pointed them! Thank you! ^^
I'll do my best to find a better balance for toning, and just get better at storytelling lol. Rushed or not, it shouldnt be an excuse. So ill make sure to work on that >:3
Rule no.1 of the Critique Corner: You do not talk about the Critique Corner.
Rule no.2 of the Critique Corner: You do not talk about the Critique Corner.
Rule no.3 of the Critique Corner: Do not make up excuses for your work.
?????
PROFIT~!!!


Work hard! Scotty6000 I like your attitude, keep at it~!!!
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redprincess
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by redprincess » Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:58 pm

I am working on a new short story and I'd like to get everyones opinion as I work so I can correct what needs it. I'm hoping to use alot more tones in this one than my other, so I've marked it on the sheet (You may see the notes) This flows right to left (its just easier for me to draw that way now) I'll draw backgrounds in better after I ink the foreground and some of them are going to be toned. :/ but I've been practicing on anatomy all week and started this yesterday so I'm hoping its a bit improved from my yenpress submission. (sorry I photographed with my cell)
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http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175 ... /lam02.jpg
http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175 ... /lam03.jpg
http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175 ... /lam04.jpg
http://i176.photobucket.com/albums/w175 ... /lam05.jpg

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yesterdayshero
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by yesterdayshero » Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:59 pm

Page one looks awesome, kickass inking...But I still feel your male torsos are too small, in page 3 his head looks too big for his body. Also convert all the links in images it's easier to critique that way, looking foward to the finished product so I can read it~
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redprincess
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Re: [Critique Corner] Everyone welcome

Post by redprincess » Fri Apr 22, 2011 8:04 pm

Thanks, ill rework those bodies. Once I ink them ill post again. It may be a while before its finished. It is 48 pages long.

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