Embody

Are you looking for tips on how to get started as a comic/manga artist? Maybe you're looking for feedback on works you've already created. Then this is the forum for you! (Note: Ported from Gomanga.com)

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yesterdayshero
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:19 am

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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Wed Feb 23, 2011 5:55 pm

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RJFrazer
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by RJFrazer » Wed Feb 23, 2011 7:18 pm

Achtung! Sieg Heil!

Meanwhile, Miku's manager puts his head in his hands and wonders just how many people he's going to have to bribe to keep the Vocaloids' secrets under wraps this time... ;)

Anyway, after looking through this thread I must say that I really admire your industriousness, yesterdayshero - you really keep up a prodigous rate of production.

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yesterdayshero
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:03 am

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http://soundcloud.com/lacausa/funkin-shojo
Listen to this new song I made....
RJFrazer wrote:Achtung! Sieg Heil!

Meanwhile, Miku's manager puts his head in his hands and wonders just how many people he's going to have to bribe to keep the Vocaloids' secrets under wraps this time... ;)

Anyway, after looking through this thread I must say that I really admire your industriousness, yesterdayshero - you really keep up a prodigous rate of production.
If I don't draw I'll die ala "Speed" lol, Vocaloid world domination isn't about music...you know...
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yesterdayshero
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Tue Mar 01, 2011 2:14 am

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"Lights off..."

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"Lights on..."
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:31 am

PICTURE DELETED DUE TO ADULT CONTENT. DO NOT POST MORE LIKE IT IN THE FUTURE.

Two new songs from my music project "Lacausa"


http://soundcloud.com/lacausa/popipo-la ... olden-leek

Popipo (Lacausa Golden Leek Remix)

My first remix, it came out more Trance than what I would have wanted

~~~~

http://soundcloud.com/lacausa/hatsune-r ... at-hatsune

Hatsune Radio Feat. Hatsune Miku (no shit huh?)

A Disco improvsion I fixed up with samples made with Vocaloid 2 Miku doesn't really sing in it but her voice is ther ok?


I still very much suck at this producer stuff but I'm getting better take a listen if you have tyme...
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:52 am

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New song...

Orange Sky Feat.Hatsune Miku

http://soundcloud.com/lacausa/19s

An Electro improv with Hatsune-kun
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Thu Mar 31, 2011 6:23 am

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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by sarydactl » Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:11 pm

nevermind, i found this >:D . i like your panels with the swirly eye and " >_O (WHY MUST YOU DENY MY LOVE THAT'S SO PURE" the best~

your manga hands look like mittens tho; your illustrations show them a lot better >: . /i have no idea if critique is allowed in this thread lololol

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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:25 pm

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For the "chibi" style I just draw mitten hands, its faster lol crit away~
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Re: Has anyone really been far even as decided

Post by yesterdayshero » Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:42 am

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Scrapped pages...
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Re: The First of the Gang to Die

Post by shutupadrian » Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:52 am

This is pretty solid work, actually. Not sure why you've scrapped it, but I'm sure your story is better for it. Also, critiquing something you've already scrapped is probably not that helpful to you, but I'll do it anyways. Sorry.

Full disclosure: I haven't read anything prior to these pages, so my apologies if there's anything I'm taking out of context.

And again, all this is just my opinion. I could always be wrong.

wolf_wolf_unused_001 (left side)
Panel 1:
Nice touch with the '?' and nice sense of light and shadow. I'd try using darker tones for the interiors seen through the windows, though. It should give the place a bit more depth.

Panel 2:
I realize it's a stylistic choice to not draw the eyes and mouths of your crowd, but they just come across as soulless zombies to me. If that's your intention, great! I wonder, however, if giving this panel an overall tone (maybe 10%) instead of leaving the whites would help pull the overlapping figure of your character a bit further into the foreground.

Panel 3:
Behind the figure - Sky, yes? Sunset? To be honest, a bit more rendering here might be helpful as I'm having trouble reading what that giant orb is.
Figure - I find her neck to be a bit long, but that just might be your stylistic choice. The highlights on her hair seem a bit scattered, with no real sense of where the light is coming from. Such dark shadows within the folds of her jacket as well, I wonder if some of that contrast should be carried up to her hair as well.

Panel 4:
Not entirely sure if this shot of her foot is entirely necessary in sequence. It don't think it really hurts, but it might simplify your layout by taking it out.

wolf_wolf_unused_001 (right side)

Panel 1:
Over the two pages, you have two profile shots of your character, and two dead-on full front shots. Maybe this shot (or the one in Panel 3) could be a 3/4? Add a bit of variety, I mean.

Panel 2:
/shrug. Is good. Well, perspective is a bit wonky, but that seems like another stylistic choice to me.

Panel 3:
Word balloon tail should be pointed more towards her mouth, unless she speaks out of her shoulder. Also, you might want to try avoiding italics in spoken dialogue unless it's meant to emphasize certain words.

Panel 4:
Is good.

Panel 5:
I'm not sure if it'd help by much, but I wonder about breaking up the one word balloon into two or three smaller balloons. Might reflect pauses (and breath) in speech a bit better.

-----------
I'll leave it at that.

Hopefully this helps even if just a little, and hopefully I'm making some sort of sense.

If nothing else, it gives me practice critiquing someone else's work. But that... ...that doesn't really help you, unfortunately.

:sweat:

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Re: The First of the Gang to Die

Post by yesterdayshero » Fri Apr 08, 2011 5:04 pm

shutupadrian wrote:This is pretty solid work, actually. Not sure why you've scrapped it, but I'm sure your story is better for it. Also, critiquing something you've already scrapped is probably not that helpful to you, but I'll do it anyways. Sorry.

Full disclosure: I haven't read anything prior to these pages, so my apologies if there's anything I'm taking out of context.

And again, all this is just my opinion. I could always be wrong.

wolf_wolf_unused_001 (left side)
Panel 1:
Nice touch with the '?' and nice sense of light and shadow. I'd try using darker tones for the interiors seen through the windows, though. It should give the place a bit more depth.

Panel 2:
I realize it's a stylistic choice to not draw the eyes and mouths of your crowd, but they just come across as soulless zombies to me. If that's your intention, great! I wonder, however, if giving this panel an overall tone (maybe 10%) instead of leaving the whites would help pull the overlapping figure of your character a bit further into the foreground.

Panel 3:
Behind the figure - Sky, yes? Sunset? To be honest, a bit more rendering here might be helpful as I'm having trouble reading what that giant orb is.
Figure - I find her neck to be a bit long, but that just might be your stylistic choice. The highlights on her hair seem a bit scattered, with no real sense of where the light is coming from. Such dark shadows within the folds of her jacket as well, I wonder if some of that contrast should be carried up to her hair as well.

Panel 4:
Not entirely sure if this shot of her foot is entirely necessary in sequence. It don't think it really hurts, but it might simplify your layout by taking it out.

wolf_wolf_unused_001 (right side)

Panel 1:
Over the two pages, you have two profile shots of your character, and two dead-on full front shots. Maybe this shot (or the one in Panel 3) could be a 3/4? Add a bit of variety, I mean.

Panel 2:
/shrug. Is good. Well, perspective is a bit wonky, but that seems like another stylistic choice to me.

Panel 3:
Word balloon tail should be pointed more towards her mouth, unless she speaks out of her shoulder. Also, you might want to try avoiding italics in spoken dialogue unless it's meant to emphasize certain words.

Panel 4:
Is good.

Panel 5:
I'm not sure if it'd help by much, but I wonder about breaking up the one word balloon into two or three smaller balloons. Might reflect pauses (and breath) in speech a bit better.

-----------
I'll leave it at that.

Hopefully this helps even if just a little, and hopefully I'm making some sort of sense.

If nothing else, it gives me practice critiquing someone else's work. But that... ...that doesn't really help you, unfortunately.

:sweat:
Thanks~ I scrapped these pages because of story, I intended this story to be a 2 volume but, if I do manage to get a publisher interested, my best bet is a one-shot. Just in case it doesn't sell well at least people who liked the story have it complete. but after your critque I'm glad I scrapped them, I really need to work on backrounds, and anatomy. ugh, I wish I would have started drawing when I was younger, Thanks bro...
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Re: The First of the Gang to Die

Post by yesterdayshero » Sat Apr 09, 2011 2:52 am

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Re: The First of the Gang to Die

Post by StrateryB » Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:42 am

Ooh, I like her face. Very cute expression.

though I feel somewhat guilty for saying that since she's questioning the forbidden zone...lol

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