I humbly come before you with CHEESE and CREAM SODA!!

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Mr_Gekiga
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I humbly come before you with CHEESE and CREAM SODA!!

Post by Mr_Gekiga » Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:06 pm

So I lied about the cream soda. You'll learn to forgive me, I come before you today to see if I can get feedback and copious amount of exposure on a webcomic I've been trying to work out.

And here, is my pitch...

Image

Ever since the exposure of great anime such as Macross, Oh My Goddess, 8 Man After, and even now the more relate-able Naruto from Japan to the rest of the world, many impressionable and delusional young men and women try their hands at manga.

And this comic is NO EXCEPTION.

-cues epic music-
I present to you, Rangetsu. An experiment in various techniques and structures of gekiga and various other styles of comics using a linear storyline involving a man who fights for the church during the Thirty Years War, until certain circumstances makes him betray his church and become a fugitive. Trapped in Germany with both the church and the locals wanting his head, Sephero Godphrey must survive and understand more about the reoccuring nightmares and hallucinations that he suffers through, and find a way to make penance for his past.

I guess you can say this kind of plot has been done before... but don't you f*cking say it!

The Rangetsu experiment can be seen in the link below
http://www.drunkduck.com/Rangetsu/5326310/
And this is for everything else
http://enkajoutou.weebly.com/

Let me know what you think needs to be worked on, this is kind of like the movie before they add the special effects in and if it has the potential to get anywhere.

-Katsu

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shutupadrian
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Re: I humbly come before you with CHEESE and CREAM SODA!!

Post by shutupadrian » Sun Aug 07, 2011 1:00 am

Apologies if this comes off a bit harsh, but I WAS PROMISED CREAM SODA. I WANT MY CREAM SODA.
Mr_Gekiga wrote: Ever since the exposure of great anime such as Macross, Oh My Goddess, 8 Man After, and even now the more relate-able Naruto from Japan to the rest of the world, many impressionable and delusional young men and women try their hands at manga.

And this comic is NO EXCEPTION.
So... you're telling us how your comic is EXACTLY THE SAME and that you're offering NOTHING THAT I CAN'T GET FROM THOSE OTHER BOOKS?

I know your end product is going to have many things that distinguishes itself and makes it unique, but if this is a pitch your goal is to sell us on your book.

I present to you, Rangetsu. An experiment in various techniques and structures of gekiga and various other styles of comics using a linear storyline involving a man who fights for the church during the Thirty Years War, until certain circumstances makes him betray his church and become a fugitive. Trapped in Germany with both the church and the locals wanting his head, Sephero Godphrey must survive and understand more about the reoccuring nightmares and hallucinations that he suffers through, and find a way to make penance for his past.
Thinking for the purpose of a pitch, you still need to elaborate on 'certain circumstances.' In fact, if I'm remembering my glossary correctly, in professional pitches, editors are interested in seeing where your story goes, right to the end.

But speaking to your story itself, your pitch neglects to mention that YOU HAVE A SAMURAI RUNNING AROUND IN 17TH CENTURY EUROPE FIGHTING DEMONS.

Oh shit, wait. That was just a dream sequence.
I guess you can say this kind of plot has been done before... but don't you f*cking say it!
Originality isn't as important as some people make it out to be. What matters is the execution.
Let me know what you think needs to be worked on, this is kind of like the movie before they add the special effects in and if it has the potential to get anywhere.
After a quick read...

- You need more diversity in your shots: More sweeping establishing/landscape shots to establish time and place.
- Faces look good, but anatomy looks a bit stiff.
- Not liking the cartoon-emoticon faces. Comes off as lazy. See: http://lackadaisy.foxprints.com/exhibit ... ibitid=333
- Anachronisms. (ex. '4 UR pleasure') STOP IT.
- Page 25: Why is that guy wearing a Magneto helmet? Suggestion: Do some research and draw period correct armor. Fans will appreciate your attention to detail and will ground your fantasy elements.
- Page 27: Oh, look. Wolverine claws. Wolverine pose.
- Skip a few to Act 4-4
- Looks like you cleaned up your lines, which is a good thing. I like that you're playing around more with shadows as well.
- Has potential, the artwork is visibly improving. Personally, I couldn't care less that this is an experiment in 'gekiga' or whatever else. For me, storytelling is king.
- Why right to left? WHY? WWWHHHHYYYYY?

Mr_Gekiga
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Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 11:58 am

Re: I humbly come before you with CHEESE and CREAM SODA!!

Post by Mr_Gekiga » Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:21 pm

Comical sarcasm isn't your strong point, I see.... or mine it doesn't matter. lol
You're right, there is a lot I need to work on, which I'm constantly reworking in the edits when I get used to both drawing with the tablet and my current study of comic drawing.
I will definitely take the anatomy and such under account.

Right to left? It's how I grew up reading comics.... moving on...

Oh right... sneaking the obvious american comic references in there... Like punisher, wolverine, magneto, I think there's even a reference of King Of Fighter's Iori in there somewhere for shits and giggles... How astute of you to notice, man. :)


I don't really understand "skip a few to 4-4"? But. ah well...
I'll improve this comic. So far people really like it, so once I go back and fix the art and some of the story... The same general amount of people wont really know the difference but... Ahhh, I'll know.
Anyway, you weren't being haarsh, you were just being you, and so helpful as well! Hell, if you got an opinion and a way of expressing it, that my friend is the American way . :-bd

Seriously, thank you. I'll go back and redo some stuff as soon as I'm done with "Book 1" and then we'll do this again. If it still doesn't go up to your standards then... egh, can't please everyone, just those who like and want to read your stuff. And in the end, those are the people that really count.

Right?

[Ginger Beer is better]

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shutupadrian
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Re: I humbly come before you with CHEESE and CREAM SODA!!

Post by shutupadrian » Sun Aug 07, 2011 9:06 pm

Mr_Gekiga wrote: egh, can't please everyone, just those who like and want to read your stuff. And in the end, those are the people that really count.

Right?
Absolutely correct.

In the end, my opinion is simply my opinion. Take it for what it is.

ADDITIONAL POST:
@Mr_Gekiga

I re-read my comments to you, and frankly, I was being a bit of a dick.

I violated my own rules about keeping positive and constructive, I let a lot of subjective opinions get in the way of my thoughts, and for that I owe you an apology.

I really think your artwork is good now and has the potential to be great.

Keep at it and I'll do my best to improve as well. Hopefully someday we'll know each other as colleagues instead of random names on an internet forum.

Moderator's note: Posts merged.

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